Sorry, Is Just A Five Letter Word

 

How many times have you heard the words, "I'm sorry" or some other apology and even though your heart and mind told you they meant nothing, you allowed yourself that moment of "Next time it'll be different"?

This is a short encouragement and slight scolding.

Apologies are just words. Things won't be better until you get better. Not until you change direction, Not until you change your perspective. Not until you change partners.

Stop saying sorry, when you're not.

Reclaiming My Time

I just realized how much of a doormat I am. I don't know how it took me so long to figure it out BUT I do know why.  

There is a generation of women that were raised a little Donna Reed or let me bring it a little twenty-first century. Do you remember Bree Van De Kamp from Desperate Housewives? As repressed as I now see her, I loved her character. Yes, of course, she had that slight Stepford quality but there was nothing that Bree wouldn't do for those that she loved. 

Self-sacrificing, not a hair out of place, stand by your man Bree. 

But during the course of that show, something in Bree snapped. She began to realize that making everyone happy was driving her completely insane. She was slowly losing herself to the desires of other people. Bree was a doormat. 

Enter Ali

I spent a lot of time making sure I was perfect for a whole lot of people. I saw to their needs, desires, wishes. I sacrificed my energies to see them through, to help them overcome. I've been the encourager, the enabler, the wifey, the friend and put more in than I was getting.

Then I realized that people are selfish and no matter how good you are to them, their selfishness is what controls them. How did I realize that in my life?

Between April and May, I lost three important people in my life and the one person that I depended on to be my sunshine in my cloudy moment was too emotionally distant to care. It was at that rainbow moment that I realized that I was giving too much and needed to start...

Friendship

I saw this somewhere and it said, author unknown. I wish I could tell that person thank you. You made me a better friend and helped me to understand that to some people I was just an acquaintance. 

There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around.

It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about them.

On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless. 

Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen. 

Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.

Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.

Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.

They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.

They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them.

Author Unknown 

Lesson Learned

Pearls Before Swine

Its an interesting and possibly offensive idiom, but I remember my elders saying, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." The funny thing about most passed down sayings is that very rarely are they explained unless you asked, so for a long time I was left to ponder exactly what that meant.

I didn't own any pigs or pearls so the obvious definitely out of the question. There had to be some deeper meaning to all of that. Then a few years ago, as if divine intervention, I had a moment of clarity. You know when the voices in your head and heart speak as one, it's time to listen, because often heart and head war with each other. That's what happened.One day, I heard very clearly and LOUDLY, 'Stop giving the best of you, to people that don't value you.'

Then it all made sense. That saying although it speaks volumes on its own, is incomplete. The rest of it says,

"...lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

Well isn't that something!

So many times we give people our best and they turn around and tear us to pieces, simply because they never valued us to begin with. We were just someone they could feed off of. I was told last week, 'I told you before don't let them take you lightly. Because you don't have the name or the influence that they want to be attached to they won't listen to your sage advice, but remember you have great value.'

Don't be undervalued by people that don't understand you or care for you. You are valuable, and don't ever forget it.

Wake Up

Live Free

Tаkе a trір dоwn mеmоrу lane, gо back tо your сlаѕѕrооmѕ аnd tаkе a lооk around.

A сlаѕѕrооm іѕ one рlасе whеrе wе gеt to interact with a lоt of different реорlе on a vеrу close bаѕіѕ. We get tо rub ѕhоuldеrѕ and соrnеrѕ wіth very different people аnd wе get to know thеm on a one to оnе bаѕіѕ. Sо how many оf your classmates did you genuinely like?

I dоn’t mеаn lіkе thеm as classmates but аѕ реорlе. Was іt easy tо gеt along wіth all of thеm? Thаt is whу wе оftеn еnd uр wіth bеѕt frіеndѕ or сlіques іn сlаѕѕrооmѕ.

Wе dо not have tо lіkе еvеrуbоdу. And everybody doesn't have to like us. I learned that lesson a few years ago and I've been happier because of it. I no longer felt the pressure to measure up. Now...

Letting Go

Letting go isn't easy but sometimes it's necessary.

Saying Too Much

It's an old saying but it makes so much sense. We used to direct it to children but as I explore the internet and more specifically social media, I realize that it's a lesson for adults as well. 

How many times have you seen statuses or updates that you knew the person would regret later? I see them all the time. I see it a lot with celebrities who later claim that their accounts were somehow compromised. 

Yeah, right.

But this instant access to thoughts and quick publishing of feelings has me amused. Remember that girl that broke up with her boyfriend, calling him nasty and telling the world how he should choke in his sleep. How about the guy that talked about the amount of women he's bedded with no regard of sexual health concerns. 

So you broke up. Drown your sorrows in some ice cream like countless women have done for years. Wow, you got lucky. Celebrate in the locker room like you used to do with your friends. What's that? You hate his guts? Play bad teenage angst driven music. Don't let us all know, because next week you'll start over again about how he is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

There was a time when we had diaries and journals, now we have Facebook and Twitter.  And with all our knowledge and all our wisdom and with all of our depth of character and all our progression we haven't learned that some things are better left unsaid.

There Was A Time

There was a time when all a woman did was attend a sock hop or cotillion and she would be swarmed by a room filled with possible suitors. At the beginning of the evening, she dressed in her most fashionable ensemble and armed with a beautiful smile and eagerness to please to parade herself before a throng of desirable young men.

Then someone told us that we were wrong for that. We were making ourselves out to be products and merchandise. The years went by and we stopped parading ourselves in that manner and men forgot how to woo. They seemed to have forgotten how to bring flowers and candy and take us to the movies. We forgot how to smile and accept being showered with attention.

We lost relationships and forgot how to relate. Somewhere along the line we fell out of love. We started
networking. A man across a crowded room is no longer a candidate for a relationship; he’s now someone to pitch our product or service to. We can’t see that in his eyes is desire and we begin to “pitch” our accomplishments, when he wanted to say, “Excuse me, miss. What’s your name? Are you free tonight?”

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Adventures In Online Dating

I found this the other day and it got me thinking. Love should be self sustaining and all encompassing. (Well it's what I was taught). But the practically states that we need more than love. After all, "Love don't pay the bills". Right?

Well, even with that thought, I (after much hesitation) joined an online dating site. Why hesitation? Have you seen the show about the people that pretend to be other people on the internet? There are some real crazies out there. I don't know what it is about the internet that brings out the nutty in people.

First of all, I had no idea that there were so many companies brokering love online. I mean legitimate sites not counting the "buy a foreign bride" ones.

Seriously, we really need to talk about that! But just not now. 

I started to look up the most popular along with the ones I had seen advertised. Especially the ones that I had seen that said FREE TRIAL. I'm not above falling in love (or like) for free. I was definitely prepared to put it on a credit card that I didn't really use often anyway. But if by the end of the 30 days it starts to look hinky, in the words of N'Sync "Bye, Bye, Bye".

Not that I'm on a time constraint, but I decided to sign up for two sites simultaneously. One site claimed that they were responsible for 120,000 marriages yearly. Considering that statistics state that 50% of marriages end in divorce, I'm not sure that they really should be using that as a selling point. Just saying.

The other site that I ventured to explore had a really cute commercial that I'd been seeing at least 3 times a day. The universe is obviously not my friend, as I saw it as being a little pushy by "arranging" to have this commercial run so many times while I try to eat my cookie dough ice cream and watch reruns of The Big Bang Theory.

I now have to set up a profile for both accounts. But that's a story for another day.

I'm on Facebook. Let's Talk Ali In Print

Bills Mean...

At the end of the month there always seems to be a new bill. After I've paid utilities, insurance, grocery, credit cards other living expenses then some other miscellaneous shows up. Today at the mailbox, I threw them all up and laughed.

I could complain about them because something just hit me. Every month the bills come, and every month I pay them. But that wasn't what hit me this morning. What made me happy was that every month the bill collectors knew exactly where to find me. I know the neighbors may have thought I lost my mind, but I haven't.

As I collected the envelopes from the freshly cut grass and walked toward the door of where I live, I smiled. Bills are good, I thought. Bills are good. My grandfather told me that once but I have thought of it since he died.

I never thought of it this way before and I'm grateful for my blessings because next month when I see those bills I'll remember....

I'm not homeless.