When I've tried my best and failed
And my dreams come tumbling down
Be my strength and comfort
Assured that things will turn around
Can I call out your name
And know that you'll be there
Caring for my troubles
My sorrows, hurts and fears
When life is filled with problems
Heartaches and real pain
I need to know that you're there
When sunshine turns to rain
I need to know you love me
In every situation
That your love will never die
Fade or take a vacation
I promise to love you always
And cherish you everday
To lend a listening ear
When you've had a trying day
For life's not always sweet
And times are often hard
Together we can make it
Our love will never part.
All too often sadness, depression can overtake you and leave you in a state of despair. It's then, it's at your breaking point that you need to break out a smile.
Interestingly enough, a smile can make a huge difference. Not just any smile. We've all seen those smiles
The Disingenuous Smile - they don't mean you any good and you know it
The Sly Smile - they're up to something (not necessarily bad, just slick)
The Just Because Smile - I'm smiling because I think that you expect me to smile
Those aren't the smiles you're looking for. This particular smile comes from someone that cares.
And you know what? They don't have to know you, or your situation. They just have to be sincere, and NON JUDGMENTAL, sympathetic to the fact that everyday has its degrees of highs and lows. They just have to CARE.
So today I'm gonna smile. And keep smiling.With everything going on in the world, maybe this smile will brighten a heart and project hope. A hope that happier, more productive days are around the corner.
Somewhere, someone needs to see your smile, so go ahead SMILE!
I close my eyes and there he stands.
A man without a face.
I reach for him
It seems like the more I reach
The further away he becomes
This dream all mine haunts me at daylight
It's as if he wants me to feel this pain.
Once I remember running to him
He didn't welcome me with open arms
Instead he remained as distant as before
I grew tired of running so I stopped
And there he was, still far away
Sometimes I think I hear him
laughing in the distance
Does he laugh and find joy in my calamity
I've made a vow. I will reach him
I won't stop till I see him face to face
His face has become my passion
I wonder about this man
Is he the prince little girls dream of
The man of my fairy tale world
I want to know him but he haunts me
And I don't know why
Do I deserve this, in my heart it's torment
He will answer someday
For he is my passion
This man of my dreams
For the first time in a long time, I felt my baby move. And not just move; it was an actual kick. Any of you remember when you first realized that you were ”carrying” and can identify with every emotion that the territory comes with. There’s an unparalleled excitement. You want to share your good news with everyone, because you can’t imagine anyone not being as excited or happy as you. Sooner or later when everyone starts giving their advice on your baby, you begin to share less and keep your mind on your due date. But what happens when you don’t feel what you know is normal in your condition? You feel time has stopped, you’re overdue and your baby isn’t moving. Then you begin to worry about the fulfillment of what was conceived so long ago. You worry and you fear that there may be something wrong with your baby. And when a period of time passes and nothing happens your biggest fear is that your baby might be dead.
No, I’m not pregnant. But I’m still carrying a dream that I’ve long had. I didn’t want an aborted dream. But I was so afraid that that was happening.
At first I thought my dream was stillborn, but came to realize that there was a big difference between an aborted dream and a stillborn dream. If my dreams ended up being ”stillborn”, it was because there was nothing I could do about it. It was too much for me to carry or even handle. It just couldn’t sustain itself and it wasn’t ready for the outside world. A lot of people have stillborn dreams and I honestly thought that was my case. But it wasn’t so, my dreams were being aborted. And it was because either I or someone I’d given opportunity to had purposely and forcibly began to destroyed my dream.
I think what was happening was, I was willfully letting someone give me an abortion. It was someone that didn’t understand. They didn’t know or didn’t care how long I’d been wanting and longing for the manifestation of what I’d conceived. They weren’t there through the tears of conception, when I cried out ”I need more”. They weren’t there when I sat on the edge of a bed asking if there was something wrong with me. They didn’t know that I questioned my ability to conceive, let alone give birth. And gradually I allowed them to kill my baby.
From the time I conceived, I was excited. It took a while before I realized everyone didn’t understand my conception, nor did they share in my excitement. Maybe it’s because what people don’t understand they seek to discredit. I don’t know if it was merely anxiety, but even people that I expected support from, didn’t show any. I think that was why I partly forgot that there was something on the inside of me that needed nurturing for it to be healthy enough to grow and be born, free of defects and deficiencies.
I stopped feeding the dream. I stopped seeking advice on how to keep it alive and healthy. I had heard so much negativity about my conception and subsequent pregnancy. I had heard so much talk of ”what are the possibilities of you accomplishing that?” and ”Do you know how hard that is?” that they convinced me that my dream was too much of an undertaking. I began to think that I didn’t want my baby.
I continued month after month with a dying baby. I stopped even listening when encouragement came saying, ”You’re almost at your due date.” simply because I had fostered so much negativity. I began to tell my dream, ”you’re too much for me”, ”we’d both be better off if I let you go”. This is why I knew it wasn’t a stillborn. With the stillborn dream there comes a peace, because you’ve done all you can.
That aborted dream is the one that kills you, because YOU gave up, not the dream. As I lay back with an inexperienced, uneducated, misguided, back alley dream killer; inside me, a baby struggled to survive, because it wanted to live. And I felt a kick. See as I lay there, with my heart breaking because I didn’t want my dream to die. Someone came by and said to me,
”You are a unique woman, don’t be afraid because what you carry in you greater than you could ever imagine and will be born.” ”HOLD ON, Ali, HOLD ON!”
And my baby kicked!
That was a few days ago and it’s been kicking ever since.
Now every day, when get up, I rise with a completely different outlook and a burning to make this happen and see this to the end. I rise knowing that I’m just that much closer to my due date and I WILL DELIVER a healthy dream!
So maybe I’m saying this for you…. If you pay close attention, and stop ignoring it, you may feel your (dream) baby kick too!
Okay I’ve been delinquent but I had some alone time today and started writing. Something for you to think about….
Retrospect can be a dangerous thing.
Do you think about those missed opportunities or look at what you’ve done in your life and even though grateful for the life you have and the things you’ve accomplished still have days that a smile veils feelings of regret.
Regret can become a fertile breeding ground for disappointments and disappointments can be the stinking manure that grows the forest of regret in your life. Sinatra said, ”Regrets, I’ve had a few…” I guess he was able to count them. (smile)
How many of us sit and number our regrets? You remark, ”This is not where I planned to be, who I planned to be, what I looked forward to in life”. Welcome to the city of Regretville. Population: millions and it’s getting overpopulated!
It’s getting overpopulated because every new resident is accompanied with not only themselves but trailers of baggage of things that can no longer be changed. And even though the events can’t be changed, they’ve so impacted your life that you carry them into every NEW opportunity. You carry the suitcases of people that have hurt you in word and deed. You carry the duffel bags of missed opportunities. You carry the overnight bags of things that are no longer just events in your life; they’re a part of the fabric of your existence.
As I thought about it maybe I do have a couple regrets. But today I’m having an emotional yard sale, so I can make room for a heart filled with hopes and dreams and new expectations. Regret was just cluttering up the place anyway. How about you?
My face is stained
The tears are like the river after a flood
I have no where to go there is no peace
So I go down
I feel your pain
I hear you as your voice echoes my anger
Can you forgive the thoughts you foster
Will they be adopted by another
I must go down
I will go down to the river
I made with your pain
I will stand at the river and wash it all away
Watch as it travels
I follow along it's banks
For I must go down
Down I will lie as I remove the robe of sorrow you have left
They too must take the river's course
And when they are gone
I will arise from the down
So now I understand. To expect is to believe
To have the unmistakable, undeniable knowledge
That in the end what my heart wants,
what my head knows
Is what I shall have
I understand that the fight I'm in, I'm not alone
I've been set up from day one to fight this
And when it's over I stand as winner
I feel this in my body
that I have what I need
So I must hold on, believe the dream is
Know the now is not meant for later it simply is
I must hold on to what believe
to what I feel in my bones
Is my expected end
What about your expectations?
Everyday we expect the sun to rise,
We expect to wake up every morning.
We expect to have a good life despite it's twists and turns
We expect to receive payment after a job well done
Some times we expect a reply after sending a message
We don't often see what we don't expect
We can't anticipate depression and pain
We don't expect loneliness or isolation
You never count on the reflection in the silence
Never calculate it's effect on on how we think and feel
And maybe it's just as well
When we live up to expectations is the living worth it
Whether they're someone's or your very own
And After the trying after the disappointment
What are you truly left with
Shattered hopes and broken dreams
Or are we left with something more
