No More Commas

I've known a secret for almost two years now. I stumbled upon it sometime in 2012. It involved plane tickets, pictures and a trip that I was vaguely told about two months later. The person doesn't know that I know, but I know. The longer I keep this hidden, the angrier I get.

I'm guarded. VERY guarded. Over the years, I've been given more than enough reason to be. I don't like confrontation so often I walk away. That's probably not the best solution and I promise you it's not the easiest, but with my David Banner type personality most times I think it's best. 

My brother said something the other day that resonates in my mind. He said,

 "Don't put a comma in your life, where there's supposed to be a period."

That guy may be on to something. I've been holding back and sometimes

walking away from things saying that I'm cool with it, while it's still festering in the back of my mind. I need to bring closure and start fresh. The comma says "wait, there's more." The period says, "I'm done with this, right here."

TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT:
Find where you've been putting the commas in your life and say, 

I'm done with this. Full Stop.

It's time to do that and move on.

Now about that secret I've been keeping...

Wake Up

Letting Go

Letting go isn't easy but sometimes it's necessary.

Feeling Love

This is a time of love. At least for the next nine days or so. There's something about a day that focuses on couples that can make a person reflect on their solitude. So the other day I decided to fall in love. It was as hard as I thought it would be.

The first thing I fell in love with was a cup of coffee from a coffee spot that I frequent.

The barrister said, "Hey you."
Then told another customer, "She's a regular."
To which I replied, "You know I'm in love with this place."
The first sip was beautiful. Fragrant with the right amount of sweetness. I sighed at that perfect cup.

I sat at a table outside, a woman passed me walking her puppy. The dog turned around and ran to where I was sitting. I laughed as I reached down to pet him. He licked my hand. The woman ran over and said, "I'm sorry he doesn't usually do that. It's must be love at first sight".

Then a lady sat at the table next to me with her baby. Overwhelmed by her baby, baby bag and stroller, she spilled her drink. I could see the frustration on her face. I gave her some of my tissues and assisted her in the clean up. Then the baby started crying. The mother put one hand on her forehead. I sat at their table and asked, "Do you mind?"

I picked up the baby and began to talk to him and he laughed and giggled and grinned. She said, "You have a gift". I returned him to his mother and left.

I then realized that love was all around me, waiting to be embraced. And I smiled.

I'm on Facebook. Let's Talk Ali In Print

Bills Mean...

At the end of the month there always seems to be a new bill. After I've paid utilities, insurance, grocery, credit cards other living expenses then some other miscellaneous shows up. Today at the mailbox, I threw them all up and laughed.

I could complain about them because something just hit me. Every month the bills come, and every month I pay them. But that wasn't what hit me this morning. What made me happy was that every month the bill collectors knew exactly where to find me. I know the neighbors may have thought I lost my mind, but I haven't.

As I collected the envelopes from the freshly cut grass and walked toward the door of where I live, I smiled. Bills are good, I thought. Bills are good. My grandfather told me that once but I have thought of it since he died.

I never thought of it this way before and I'm grateful for my blessings because next month when I see those bills I'll remember....

I'm not homeless.

Will You Remember Me - How Will You Remember Me?

So the story of the woman found in her apartment three years after her death, still bothers me. I want to be remembered!

I'm a church girl. My parents are preachers, so I've been in church all my life. I had a youth leader that I will never forget. She was the worst youth leader to walk the planet probably. Yes, I'm exaggerating. But she was pretty awful. I assume she hated the position and I often wondered if she even liked young people. 

Every time she came to youth meetings it was as if someone was infringing on her time and like we should feel privileged that she graced us with her presence. She was always engaging us in debates about whether being from the inner city made us "hood kids". That wouldn't be bad if ever so often she wouldn't punctuate it by scolding the girls in the group by telling them she wouldn't be surprised if they became teen mothers. 

Now that I think about her, she was slightly psychotic. Anyone that projects those feeling and those kind of ideals on impressionable minds and people she should be molding had to have some kind of loopy tendencies. Funny thing is, we (kids) never reported her. 

She also had authority issues. She was always at odds with the church overseers. I was a kid but it was obvious that she had issues. I remember the last time I saw her at church she went into the office, tendered her resignation and promptly exited the building. All during Sunday morning service. The church office was beyond the pulpit at that time so she had to pass the entire congregation to do that. Why not wait until the end of service? Dramatic much?

Well the other day in the newspaper, I saw an obituary with someone of the same name. I wasn't sure if it was her but my memories were filled with her shouting at us, putting us down and her general unfairness. Then I turned the page.

I remembered.

My New Year's Resolution

If always considered myself a strong person. Most people think I'm a strong person. But ever so often I fall into the trap and I find myself fighting to escape. The new year has begun and most of us, like we do every year, made self improvement promises (resolutions).  I made a single resolution. My resolution is to

BE THE BEST ME I CAN BE

What now seems like a lifetime ago this would have been the hardest of tasks for me, because in this world of superficiality and physicality I've like many given into fad diets, passing fashions and decisions based on making people happy with the me they wanted me to be. I've lived my life based on what was the status quo.  I've been a phenomenal daughter, friend, sister, confidant, employee, singer, student and the list could go on. I don't have a problem being good. It's good to be good. The problem was that I was afraid that the person I saw in the mirror every day wasn't me. I was all those things and in the midst of it all lost sight of who I was and wanted to be. 

So, I started on a journey to me and my journey wasn't well received. Of course it wasn't, because on my journey to find me I couldn't take very many people with me. It was my journey and not very many people could take the roads that I dared to travel. I had to take Speak Up Avenue and stop cowering when I was berated, which was hard when most days the worst of it came from those that I trusted and loved.

I've never felt pretty enough, or good enough, or skinny enough, or demure enough, or Christian enough, or rich enough, or smart enough, and I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

More than half of my life I've been doing what other people want me to do. Too many expectations and not enough motivation. So, I am now, in 2013, resolute in being...

ALI

Who Wants To Join Me?