Reclaiming My Time

I just realized how much of a doormat I am. I don't know how it took me so long to figure it out BUT I do know why.  

There is a generation of women that were raised a little Donna Reed or let me bring it a little twenty-first century. Do you remember Bree Van De Kamp from Desperate Housewives? As repressed as I now see her, I loved her character. Yes, of course, she had that slight Stepford quality but there was nothing that Bree wouldn't do for those that she loved. 

Self-sacrificing, not a hair out of place, stand by your man Bree. 

But during the course of that show, something in Bree snapped. She began to realize that making everyone happy was driving her completely insane. She was slowly losing herself to the desires of other people. Bree was a doormat. 

Enter Ali

I spent a lot of time making sure I was perfect for a whole lot of people. I saw to their needs, desires, wishes. I sacrificed my energies to see them through, to help them overcome. I've been the encourager, the enabler, the wifey, the friend and put more in than I was getting.

Then I realized that people are selfish and no matter how good you are to them, their selfishness is what controls them. How did I realize that in my life?

Between April and May, I lost three important people in my life and the one person that I depended on to be my sunshine in my cloudy moment was too emotionally distant to care. It was at that rainbow moment that I realized that I was giving too much and needed to start...

Pearls Before Swine

Its an interesting and possibly offensive idiom, but I remember my elders saying, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." The funny thing about most passed down sayings is that very rarely are they explained unless you asked, so for a long time I was left to ponder exactly what that meant.

I didn't own any pigs or pearls so the obvious definitely out of the question. There had to be some deeper meaning to all of that. Then a few years ago, as if divine intervention, I had a moment of clarity. You know when the voices in your head and heart speak as one, it's time to listen, because often heart and head war with each other. That's what happened.One day, I heard very clearly and LOUDLY, 'Stop giving the best of you, to people that don't value you.'

Then it all made sense. That saying although it speaks volumes on its own, is incomplete. The rest of it says,

"...lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

Well isn't that something!

So many times we give people our best and they turn around and tear us to pieces, simply because they never valued us to begin with. We were just someone they could feed off of. I was told last week, 'I told you before don't let them take you lightly. Because you don't have the name or the influence that they want to be attached to they won't listen to your sage advice, but remember you have great value.'

Don't be undervalued by people that don't understand you or care for you. You are valuable, and don't ever forget it.