Sorry, Is Just A Five Letter Word

 

How many times have you heard the words, "I'm sorry" or some other apology and even though your heart and mind told you they meant nothing, you allowed yourself that moment of "Next time it'll be different"?

This is a short encouragement and slight scolding.

Apologies are just words. Things won't be better until you get better. Not until you change direction, Not until you change your perspective. Not until you change partners.

Stop saying sorry, when you're not.

Wake Up

Adventures In Online Dating, Profiling

Setting up my online dating profile was worse than when I did my SAT's. One site I went on made me wonder if they were going to ask me to send in a blood sample. I know they clam to have a scientifically proven method of matching couples but this is just....

First I narrowed down the perfect online community. There was a commercial that I saw one night and I was sure I didn't like that site. You would be surprised at the many how many niche sites there are, for every ethnicity, every fetish, every preference. I even saw one only for farmers that I thought was pretty cool, but not for me.

Now to set up that profile.

I tell you my likes and dislikes, I tell you my age range and the age range I'd be interested in. I decide on location. At first, I wanted to find someone halfway across the country, simply because I have 'issues'. Then I thought

Suppose this works out, you wouldn't want someone 3,000 miles away.

So, I narrowed the location grid a little. A LITTLE.

Every one likens the profile to a resume. It's putting your best foot forward. An audition of sorts. I studied marketing in college so here was my chance to 'sell" myself. Easy enough, right?

I met my first dilemma. 

I think I'm awesome. Because of that, I was afraid I'd run the risk of overselling myself.  I mean how do you say "I'm a pretty good catch" without sounding desperate?

I enrolled some unsuspecting friends. I asked them via one of my social networks to describe me in three words. They had no idea what how they were helping me. At the end of it all, I had a pretty good description of how I come off to people. I learned some things about myself as well.

After filling out my info, I waited.

Letting Go

Letting go isn't easy but sometimes it's necessary.

Saying Too Much

It's an old saying but it makes so much sense. We used to direct it to children but as I explore the internet and more specifically social media, I realize that it's a lesson for adults as well. 

How many times have you seen statuses or updates that you knew the person would regret later? I see them all the time. I see it a lot with celebrities who later claim that their accounts were somehow compromised. 

Yeah, right.

But this instant access to thoughts and quick publishing of feelings has me amused. Remember that girl that broke up with her boyfriend, calling him nasty and telling the world how he should choke in his sleep. How about the guy that talked about the amount of women he's bedded with no regard of sexual health concerns. 

So you broke up. Drown your sorrows in some ice cream like countless women have done for years. Wow, you got lucky. Celebrate in the locker room like you used to do with your friends. What's that? You hate his guts? Play bad teenage angst driven music. Don't let us all know, because next week you'll start over again about how he is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

There was a time when we had diaries and journals, now we have Facebook and Twitter.  And with all our knowledge and all our wisdom and with all of our depth of character and all our progression we haven't learned that some things are better left unsaid.

Feeling Love

This is a time of love. At least for the next nine days or so. There's something about a day that focuses on couples that can make a person reflect on their solitude. So the other day I decided to fall in love. It was as hard as I thought it would be.

The first thing I fell in love with was a cup of coffee from a coffee spot that I frequent.

The barrister said, "Hey you."
Then told another customer, "She's a regular."
To which I replied, "You know I'm in love with this place."
The first sip was beautiful. Fragrant with the right amount of sweetness. I sighed at that perfect cup.

I sat at a table outside, a woman passed me walking her puppy. The dog turned around and ran to where I was sitting. I laughed as I reached down to pet him. He licked my hand. The woman ran over and said, "I'm sorry he doesn't usually do that. It's must be love at first sight".

Then a lady sat at the table next to me with her baby. Overwhelmed by her baby, baby bag and stroller, she spilled her drink. I could see the frustration on her face. I gave her some of my tissues and assisted her in the clean up. Then the baby started crying. The mother put one hand on her forehead. I sat at their table and asked, "Do you mind?"

I picked up the baby and began to talk to him and he laughed and giggled and grinned. She said, "You have a gift". I returned him to his mother and left.

I then realized that love was all around me, waiting to be embraced. And I smiled.

I'm on Facebook. Let's Talk Ali In Print

Bills Mean...

At the end of the month there always seems to be a new bill. After I've paid utilities, insurance, grocery, credit cards other living expenses then some other miscellaneous shows up. Today at the mailbox, I threw them all up and laughed.

I could complain about them because something just hit me. Every month the bills come, and every month I pay them. But that wasn't what hit me this morning. What made me happy was that every month the bill collectors knew exactly where to find me. I know the neighbors may have thought I lost my mind, but I haven't.

As I collected the envelopes from the freshly cut grass and walked toward the door of where I live, I smiled. Bills are good, I thought. Bills are good. My grandfather told me that once but I have thought of it since he died.

I never thought of it this way before and I'm grateful for my blessings because next month when I see those bills I'll remember....

I'm not homeless.

Stand Up To Write Preview

Just giving my followers a sneak peek of my book Stand Up To Write.

Stand Up To Write is a collection of my personal thoughts coupled with quotes from some of my favorite authors. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

There is nothing to writing.
All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
Ernest Hemingway

Every day I hit a blank page like a wall. 

Like a wall, depending on your impact, it hurts a little or it hurts a lot. I think with all creative arts (acting, music, writing, dance…) if you’re passionate about it, you leave DNA in your work. Sometimes it’s your past that you leave; sometimes it’s hurt or present anger. There are times when my un can’t be contained and it shows in the writing. 

When I think of the many pained days I've spent with my legal pads just telling the yellow sheets how I felt. Sometimes I published, sometimes I didn't  But I just let the emotions go. I found a legal pad when I was moving the other day and I could see the stains and places where the ink ran. I guess those were extra emotional days. 

No matter how it’s expressed, writing gives us the opportunity to pour out of ourselves. It gives people a chance to see what we’re made of. I don’t think I’d do it if I couldn't leave a little of myself on the page. 

So maybe today I’ll bleed a little, just a pin prick amount. But my DNA is in even that tiny drop. 

Look for Stand Up To Write on Amazon and Google Play, 11/1/2013