Friendship

I saw this somewhere and it said, author unknown. I wish I could tell that person thank you. You made me a better friend and helped me to understand that to some people I was just an acquaintance. 

There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around.

It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about them.

On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless. 

Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen. 

Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.

Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.

Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.

They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.

They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them.

Author Unknown 

Lesson Learned

Don't Make My Mistakes

I used to be a 'super supporter' until I realized that it cost me too much. Because I was the listener and when it was my turn to be listened to, there was always something else on the agenda. Whenever I was in trouble, my troubles were considered not as important. I was always on the hearing end of the, 'I need you to do this'.

Lately I've decided that I am also important, my needs matter, and I am not putting everyone before me, only to be stuck without.

I couldn't have been more that 17 when my dad said, "No one is going to be there when you need them the way you always are." At the time I thought it was a selfish thought but as I grew I realized he's right.

At the end of the day people are selfish and they only care about what they need. There have been times in my life where I've been at my lowest and found myself alone. How is that when I've been there for everyone, there are times when I feel completely alone?  I recall being a shoulder, a sounding board, a financier, a secret keeper and in my time of need I've been informed that my tears are inconvenient.

So don't make my mistakes. Choose your friends wisely.

Lyfe Jennings - Let's Stay Together

Pearls Before Swine

Its an interesting and possibly offensive idiom, but I remember my elders saying, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." The funny thing about most passed down sayings is that very rarely are they explained unless you asked, so for a long time I was left to ponder exactly what that meant.

I didn't own any pigs or pearls so the obvious definitely out of the question. There had to be some deeper meaning to all of that. Then a few years ago, as if divine intervention, I had a moment of clarity. You know when the voices in your head and heart speak as one, it's time to listen, because often heart and head war with each other. That's what happened.One day, I heard very clearly and LOUDLY, 'Stop giving the best of you, to people that don't value you.'

Then it all made sense. That saying although it speaks volumes on its own, is incomplete. The rest of it says,

"...lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

Well isn't that something!

So many times we give people our best and they turn around and tear us to pieces, simply because they never valued us to begin with. We were just someone they could feed off of. I was told last week, 'I told you before don't let them take you lightly. Because you don't have the name or the influence that they want to be attached to they won't listen to your sage advice, but remember you have great value.'

Don't be undervalued by people that don't understand you or care for you. You are valuable, and don't ever forget it.

No More Commas

I've known a secret for almost two years now. I stumbled upon it sometime in 2012. It involved plane tickets, pictures and a trip that I was vaguely told about two months later. The person doesn't know that I know, but I know. The longer I keep this hidden, the angrier I get.

I'm guarded. VERY guarded. Over the years, I've been given more than enough reason to be. I don't like confrontation so often I walk away. That's probably not the best solution and I promise you it's not the easiest, but with my David Banner type personality most times I think it's best. 

My brother said something the other day that resonates in my mind. He said,

 "Don't put a comma in your life, where there's supposed to be a period."

That guy may be on to something. I've been holding back and sometimes

walking away from things saying that I'm cool with it, while it's still festering in the back of my mind. I need to bring closure and start fresh. The comma says "wait, there's more." The period says, "I'm done with this, right here."

TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT:
Find where you've been putting the commas in your life and say, 

I'm done with this. Full Stop.

It's time to do that and move on.

Now about that secret I've been keeping...

Everything That is Me

I was looking at a social network site yesterday, following the comments of a particular post and I began to think. I found it funny that people assume that everything that you are can be defined by what you say online. I guess I've seen enough pretending and posturing online to never assume that what I see, is what people are.

The internet allows us to be flexible. Anyone that follows me could easily assume that I am certifiably crazy and that I'm typing from the nearest padded cell. But I'm not. As a matter of fact, I like to think that the world is my sanitarium. 

I see myself as an onion. Not that I have a strong odor. Even though after working out, I don't want anyone to come near me. I've taken a whiff of the guys at the gym on the day that their deodorant went on strike. So maybe an onion isn't a good word. I see myself as a birthday cake. Notice how my metaphors involve food? I'm hungry as I type this. I'm trying to say I have layers.

Anyway my point is to my friends I'm the confidant; to my family I'm tech support, the poet; to the online world I am too many things to list. I am a layered being of possibilities. What most people see is the end result of what is put into the mix. I guess I hope at some point someone will look past the icing and see everything that goes into me being me.

The Babies Are Drowning

I eavesdropped on a conversation about a 40 second video that had been circulating of what appeared to be a school girl having intercourse in uniform. In the midst of the discussion someone said something to the effect of "Someone needs to talk to theses young girls".

I smile when I see people talk about the direction the youth of the country are going in because this has been happening for a while now.

When you teach children disrespect this is what happens. They are children, if you fail to mold them in one area it bleeds into other areas.

No respect for property.
No respect for authority
No respect for achievement
No respect for themselves (bodies included)

We (generalization) have taught them that everything they do is right. We've set up no boundaries. We've given them freedom without consequences and thrown them in the big ocean of the world without teaching them how to swim or giving them something to hold onto.

Gave them everything they wanted and nothing that they need and now they're drowning.

Reciprocate

Loyalty is rare

Wake Up

Live Free

Tаkе a trір dоwn mеmоrу lane, gо back tо your сlаѕѕrооmѕ аnd tаkе a lооk around.

A сlаѕѕrооm іѕ one рlасе whеrе wе gеt to interact with a lоt of different реорlе on a vеrу close bаѕіѕ. We get tо rub ѕhоuldеrѕ and соrnеrѕ wіth very different people аnd wе get to know thеm on a one to оnе bаѕіѕ. Sо how many оf your classmates did you genuinely like?

I dоn’t mеаn lіkе thеm as classmates but аѕ реорlе. Was іt easy tо gеt along wіth all of thеm? Thаt is whу wе оftеn еnd uр wіth bеѕt frіеndѕ or сlіques іn сlаѕѕrооmѕ.

Wе dо not have tо lіkе еvеrуbоdу. And everybody doesn't have to like us. I learned that lesson a few years ago and I've been happier because of it. I no longer felt the pressure to measure up. Now...

Adventures In Online Dating, Profiling

Setting up my online dating profile was worse than when I did my SAT's. One site I went on made me wonder if they were going to ask me to send in a blood sample. I know they clam to have a scientifically proven method of matching couples but this is just....

First I narrowed down the perfect online community. There was a commercial that I saw one night and I was sure I didn't like that site. You would be surprised at the many how many niche sites there are, for every ethnicity, every fetish, every preference. I even saw one only for farmers that I thought was pretty cool, but not for me.

Now to set up that profile.

I tell you my likes and dislikes, I tell you my age range and the age range I'd be interested in. I decide on location. At first, I wanted to find someone halfway across the country, simply because I have 'issues'. Then I thought

Suppose this works out, you wouldn't want someone 3,000 miles away.

So, I narrowed the location grid a little. A LITTLE.

Every one likens the profile to a resume. It's putting your best foot forward. An audition of sorts. I studied marketing in college so here was my chance to 'sell" myself. Easy enough, right?

I met my first dilemma. 

I think I'm awesome. Because of that, I was afraid I'd run the risk of overselling myself.  I mean how do you say "I'm a pretty good catch" without sounding desperate?

I enrolled some unsuspecting friends. I asked them via one of my social networks to describe me in three words. They had no idea what how they were helping me. At the end of it all, I had a pretty good description of how I come off to people. I learned some things about myself as well.

After filling out my info, I waited.

Letting Go

Letting go isn't easy but sometimes it's necessary.

Saying Too Much

It's an old saying but it makes so much sense. We used to direct it to children but as I explore the internet and more specifically social media, I realize that it's a lesson for adults as well. 

How many times have you seen statuses or updates that you knew the person would regret later? I see them all the time. I see it a lot with celebrities who later claim that their accounts were somehow compromised. 

Yeah, right.

But this instant access to thoughts and quick publishing of feelings has me amused. Remember that girl that broke up with her boyfriend, calling him nasty and telling the world how he should choke in his sleep. How about the guy that talked about the amount of women he's bedded with no regard of sexual health concerns. 

So you broke up. Drown your sorrows in some ice cream like countless women have done for years. Wow, you got lucky. Celebrate in the locker room like you used to do with your friends. What's that? You hate his guts? Play bad teenage angst driven music. Don't let us all know, because next week you'll start over again about how he is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

There was a time when we had diaries and journals, now we have Facebook and Twitter.  And with all our knowledge and all our wisdom and with all of our depth of character and all our progression we haven't learned that some things are better left unsaid.

Protect the Babies

I know I've been talking about my online dating experience but I had to take a break. My computer was in the shop. Today on my newly repaired PC I tackle the world one word at a time.

Something has been bothering me. Two days ago I saw on my newsfeed that a mother (an acquaintance) had posted a picture of her seven year old daughter in an opened back shirt for Valentines Day standing in the (look back at it) pose. Let me pretend innocence and say she wanted us to see the back of her baby's shirt, despite the sexual connotation of the pose itself. I try to stay out of making suggestions to parents because MANY get offended and throw the (you don't have any children so hush) card.


Fast forward to today and I see two more photos of girls under ten with these provocative poses. I don't get it. Why are we encouraging this overt sexuality in our babies? Don't the predators have enough to work with? Why serve them your child's innocence on a platter?

I get it, we live in a more open world. And don't think I'm just saying girls, because the boys are at danger too. It's just that whenever I see parents posting pictures of their kids in a provocative nature I get antsy. I wonder, "what the hell were you thinking?" 

I still believe in the future of our children. I hurt for them when I see that the adults that should be their protectors are leading them like lambs to slaughter. Even as I write this I feel the heat from the tears that are forming in my eyes. 

I just want to know, who will protect the babies.

There Was A Time

There was a time when all a woman did was attend a sock hop or cotillion and she would be swarmed by a room filled with possible suitors. At the beginning of the evening, she dressed in her most fashionable ensemble and armed with a beautiful smile and eagerness to please to parade herself before a throng of desirable young men.

Then someone told us that we were wrong for that. We were making ourselves out to be products and merchandise. The years went by and we stopped parading ourselves in that manner and men forgot how to woo. They seemed to have forgotten how to bring flowers and candy and take us to the movies. We forgot how to smile and accept being showered with attention.

We lost relationships and forgot how to relate. Somewhere along the line we fell out of love. We started
networking. A man across a crowded room is no longer a candidate for a relationship; he’s now someone to pitch our product or service to. We can’t see that in his eyes is desire and we begin to “pitch” our accomplishments, when he wanted to say, “Excuse me, miss. What’s your name? Are you free tonight?”

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#SingleInACoupledWorld

Feeling Love

This is a time of love. At least for the next nine days or so. There's something about a day that focuses on couples that can make a person reflect on their solitude. So the other day I decided to fall in love. It was as hard as I thought it would be.

The first thing I fell in love with was a cup of coffee from a coffee spot that I frequent.

The barrister said, "Hey you."
Then told another customer, "She's a regular."
To which I replied, "You know I'm in love with this place."
The first sip was beautiful. Fragrant with the right amount of sweetness. I sighed at that perfect cup.

I sat at a table outside, a woman passed me walking her puppy. The dog turned around and ran to where I was sitting. I laughed as I reached down to pet him. He licked my hand. The woman ran over and said, "I'm sorry he doesn't usually do that. It's must be love at first sight".

Then a lady sat at the table next to me with her baby. Overwhelmed by her baby, baby bag and stroller, she spilled her drink. I could see the frustration on her face. I gave her some of my tissues and assisted her in the clean up. Then the baby started crying. The mother put one hand on her forehead. I sat at their table and asked, "Do you mind?"

I picked up the baby and began to talk to him and he laughed and giggled and grinned. She said, "You have a gift". I returned him to his mother and left.

I then realized that love was all around me, waiting to be embraced. And I smiled.

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Adventures In Online Dating

I found this the other day and it got me thinking. Love should be self sustaining and all encompassing. (Well it's what I was taught). But the practically states that we need more than love. After all, "Love don't pay the bills". Right?

Well, even with that thought, I (after much hesitation) joined an online dating site. Why hesitation? Have you seen the show about the people that pretend to be other people on the internet? There are some real crazies out there. I don't know what it is about the internet that brings out the nutty in people.

First of all, I had no idea that there were so many companies brokering love online. I mean legitimate sites not counting the "buy a foreign bride" ones.

Seriously, we really need to talk about that! But just not now. 

I started to look up the most popular along with the ones I had seen advertised. Especially the ones that I had seen that said FREE TRIAL. I'm not above falling in love (or like) for free. I was definitely prepared to put it on a credit card that I didn't really use often anyway. But if by the end of the 30 days it starts to look hinky, in the words of N'Sync "Bye, Bye, Bye".

Not that I'm on a time constraint, but I decided to sign up for two sites simultaneously. One site claimed that they were responsible for 120,000 marriages yearly. Considering that statistics state that 50% of marriages end in divorce, I'm not sure that they really should be using that as a selling point. Just saying.

The other site that I ventured to explore had a really cute commercial that I'd been seeing at least 3 times a day. The universe is obviously not my friend, as I saw it as being a little pushy by "arranging" to have this commercial run so many times while I try to eat my cookie dough ice cream and watch reruns of The Big Bang Theory.

I now have to set up a profile for both accounts. But that's a story for another day.

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