What's Your Excuse?

This weekend spoke with someone that was expressing dismay at the condition of one of his acquaintances.

He said the young lady inherited a convenience store (rent free) in a highly populated area and she closed up shop early last year claiming some recent road works hindered her business. He said he remembered sitting in her store on a number of occasions never seeing one car pull up to her store but he was impressed with the amount of foot traffic from the neighborhood. So he questions her claim.

He said January will make two years since she has been jobless
, complaining that she can't find anything to do. He suggested that she sell snacks to the school kids given that she lives right around the corner from two schools. She shrugged him off.

I think we can always find an excuse, so what's yours? I always hear people saying they can't find a job, I wonder how many of them are like this lady? I ask you I'm sure no matter how many solutions he comes up with, she'll find an excuse to just stay in her condition.

You're overweight and all you need is 30 minutes a day to make a change to your exercise plan. But you can't find the time. At the beginning of the year you promised this was the year you were going to stop eat so much fast foods and get healthy. But fast foods are convenient, you say as you eat your 2 for $ .99 hamburgers. You said you want to go back to school and finish your education, but you don't want to be the oldest one in the class. You said you were going to start a savings plan but the new pair of shoes were calling your name. There's always something else, so, what's your excuse?

Bills Mean...

At the end of the month there always seems to be a new bill. After I've paid utilities, insurance, grocery, credit cards other living expenses then some other miscellaneous shows up. Today at the mailbox, I threw them all up and laughed.

I could complain about them because something just hit me. Every month the bills come, and every month I pay them. But that wasn't what hit me this morning. What made me happy was that every month the bill collectors knew exactly where to find me. I know the neighbors may have thought I lost my mind, but I haven't.

As I collected the envelopes from the freshly cut grass and walked toward the door of where I live, I smiled. Bills are good, I thought. Bills are good. My grandfather told me that once but I have thought of it since he died.

I never thought of it this way before and I'm grateful for my blessings because next month when I see those bills I'll remember....

I'm not homeless.

Ladies... Really.

As promised I decided to dedicate a whole post to one type of internet crazy. Sorry if I'm not PC about it, but it's ridiculous. I've been following this story for a few months now and all I can say is that the internet is better than any soap opera you could ever imagine.

I have this person that I follow on one of my networks and I actually look forward to watching their breakdowns daily. From what I've gleaned this woman is having relationship issues. And depending on the day and how she feels, she'll submit for the viewing public a veiled list of grievances. Sometimes it's poetry, sometimes it's just a quick sentence but most days it's a dissertation.

Now I love to read, especially if it makes me laugh, hysterically. Her updates do the trick. I actually go back to the ones I find most hilarious. From what I've gathered, her guy cheated on her (mind you I could be wrong but not likely). Her updates are filled with phrases like, "out in the streets", "stand with the woman you married" "trust" "ultimate deception". Perhaps I'm reading too much into it.

Back to the story. I'm sure I'm not the only person that awaits her drama daily. But what gets me is the blatant egging on that she gets. People are encouraging her to self destruct for the online audience and she is clueless. She's visibly changed from single to married to in a relationship to divorced to interested in men only to whatever she is this week. Hold on let me check......

Okay she's in a relationship again.

Here's my final thought on this. You don't have to live out your life on the internet. This public diary policy we've adopted isn't cute. As a matter of fact it isn't healthy. Especially when all you project is anger and hate. But it's really your page, your life, your freedom. Just don't get upset when I use it all for my blog!

Talk to you guys next time.

The Internet Has Me Wondering...

WE'RE PEOPLE ALWAYS THIS CRAZY?

There are some days that I think maybe, just maybe I'm a little too honest. But then again, I'm not gonna let that stop me anytime soon. I'm part of a number online groups and I'm beginning to wonder if sanity is reserved to me and possibly four other people on the planet. Because I'm a writer, I'm always interested in characters and some of the characters I come across online are well, for the lack of a better description, NUTS!! I wonder if people have evolved into these characters or is it just that they're now getting access to the world.

In one group, there's this character that at first I thought was bipolar, because almost daily he goes from calm to violent in a matter of minutes. Then I figured, it was his character, his shtick somehow. After I figured that out, he didn't matter. As a matter of fact my eyes don't even linger on the things he says anymore.

In another group there's this clique of twenty-somethings, that live all across the country but they call each other 'bro" and "sis" and harass people outside of their little group. These are people with kids. Some of them have multiple children. But they're cyber bullies to say the least. Something to think about when you hear your kid has been bullied in school. Who are the parents? They call themselves "Keeping it Real".

Then there's this woman....

She needs a post all to herself. Come back tomorrow I'll tell you about her.

Stand Up To Write Preview

Just giving my followers a sneak peek of my book Stand Up To Write.

Stand Up To Write is a collection of my personal thoughts coupled with quotes from some of my favorite authors. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

There is nothing to writing.
All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
Ernest Hemingway

Every day I hit a blank page like a wall. 

Like a wall, depending on your impact, it hurts a little or it hurts a lot. I think with all creative arts (acting, music, writing, dance…) if you’re passionate about it, you leave DNA in your work. Sometimes it’s your past that you leave; sometimes it’s hurt or present anger. There are times when my un can’t be contained and it shows in the writing. 

When I think of the many pained days I've spent with my legal pads just telling the yellow sheets how I felt. Sometimes I published, sometimes I didn't  But I just let the emotions go. I found a legal pad when I was moving the other day and I could see the stains and places where the ink ran. I guess those were extra emotional days. 

No matter how it’s expressed, writing gives us the opportunity to pour out of ourselves. It gives people a chance to see what we’re made of. I don’t think I’d do it if I couldn't leave a little of myself on the page. 

So maybe today I’ll bleed a little, just a pin prick amount. But my DNA is in even that tiny drop. 

Look for Stand Up To Write on Amazon and Google Play, 11/1/2013

Writers On Writing

“How vain it is to sit down to write
when you have not stood up to live.”
 Henry David Thoreau

One day I decided to live. I've always written but until that point I felt trapped. Somewhere during my entrapment I realized that my tools of escape were always with me. They were the words that danced in my head. They were the characters that forged their way and made their own stories and created their own scenes. And for them to be free, I had to first allow myself to roam and experience and LIVE.

No longer could I let fear of acceptance and failure, rule or guide me. I had to learn to allow myself to experience the path as it was laid out and not worry about the road ahead. I had to make up in my mind to smell every rose and risk being stung by quite a few bees. It wasn’t walking blindly but walking wide eyed and alert.

I no longer remember, with clarity, how it felt before I lived but I do know that I made a good choice. The words on the paper have also begun to live and they thank me, because I gave them life. But I thank them because they helped me to live.

I'm A Princess

I remember as a kid reading the story of the princess and the pea. As the story goes a girl's true regal nature was determined when after spending a night on 100 mattresses, she was unable to sleep due to some discomfort. The reading audience knew that a pea had been placed under the bottom mattress. As absurd as it sounds it made me think, that's it, I'M A PRINCESS!

I've been a creator all my life. Whether it's been song, prose or story, I live to make my words come alive to people. And as comfortable as other people would be in my exact situation, I'm uncomfortable. There are nights when I fall asleep at 3 a.m. because I have to get it on paper. Or I'll wake up and have to start writing. Writing is my pea. Unless I get it out from under me, I can't sleep.

Everyone's pea isn't the same. But I think everyone has one. It tells you who you are and who you're meant to be. So I'm a writing princess.

Now tell me what's your pea?

Regrets: I've had a few

Today I asked a question.

Have you ever regretted something you DID NOT say or do?

Truth is we probably all have. I've always been an entertainer. It's who I am. Some may say I like being the center of attention. Which could be true, I honestly don't, I'm too much of a homebody for that. But what I can say is that I love the feeling of creation and that's why I've always loved entertainment. Entertainers get to create a song, a movement, a character, a moment. I want to do that.

I think it's easy to dwell in the negativity of your regrets, but so much more fulfilling to take those regrets and make them motivation. Sometimes as I reflect I think about what I should have done, how I listened to people that couldn't see past their own situations. How my life may have been better if I had done it my way.

I spoke with someone this weekend that expressed how tired they were. She was telling me that she needed a break, a change. As I listened I reflected on when I used to feel that way and I understood more than she'll ever know. So I allowed her to talk and then I said, "My only suggestion is that you don't let those past experiences prohibit your future possibilities."

Don't allow regret to hold on too tight. Today look back one last time and say, "I'm moving on."

Will You Remember Me? Thanks For The Memories,

As I read social media posts and interact with people on a daily basis. I think about how to be remembered. I've had people that follow me on social media outlets because they say, anything is likely to pop up. They claim that I have an interesting outlook on life. That maybe true. I tell people that one thing they have to remember about me is that I'm honest. Say what you will, I'm going to express it how I see it.

This week has been about memories... To everyone that wrote and told me how this week helped you, it helped me too.

Thank you! I will remember.

Will You Remember Me - Vera

My paternal grandmother was the best grandma in the world (to me). She was straight talking and plain speaking. I miss her often. Every Sunday afternoon we'd go to her house for treats and if we didn't get them, she'd get upset with my Father.

She used to make a hot lunch for my dad every Wednesday and he would go to sit with her while they caught up. One Wednesday, either my dad forgot or was late going for lunch, my grandmother walked to his store, threw the packed lunch on the table and started walking back home. My father then got in the car and tried to coax her into the vehicle so he could carry her home. Long story short, my dad ended up driving alongside until she got to her house, where she went inside, slammed the door and locked him out.

She was a small framed, short tempered woman that raised her six children on her own after her husband died while the was young (late twenties I think). A strong woman that once said, when asked if she would marry again, "No other man is going to raise E____ children". She was stubborn. She was a seamstress/shopkeeper that still got home in time to make meals for her family. Even though it wasn't much, they were fed and educated and raised.

Once my parents when to a funeral and left us at her house. She said, "When mother and father forsake you, your old grandmother will take you up". I think about that to this day. It was funny the way she said it but also the best thing anyone could say. She was saying she was there.

I smile when I think about her. And I wonder what kind of legacy I'll leave and if anyone will remember.

Will You Remember Me - How Will You Remember Me?

So the story of the woman found in her apartment three years after her death, still bothers me. I want to be remembered!

I'm a church girl. My parents are preachers, so I've been in church all my life. I had a youth leader that I will never forget. She was the worst youth leader to walk the planet probably. Yes, I'm exaggerating. But she was pretty awful. I assume she hated the position and I often wondered if she even liked young people. 

Every time she came to youth meetings it was as if someone was infringing on her time and like we should feel privileged that she graced us with her presence. She was always engaging us in debates about whether being from the inner city made us "hood kids". That wouldn't be bad if ever so often she wouldn't punctuate it by scolding the girls in the group by telling them she wouldn't be surprised if they became teen mothers. 

Now that I think about her, she was slightly psychotic. Anyone that projects those feeling and those kind of ideals on impressionable minds and people she should be molding had to have some kind of loopy tendencies. Funny thing is, we (kids) never reported her. 

She also had authority issues. She was always at odds with the church overseers. I was a kid but it was obvious that she had issues. I remember the last time I saw her at church she went into the office, tendered her resignation and promptly exited the building. All during Sunday morning service. The church office was beyond the pulpit at that time so she had to pass the entire congregation to do that. Why not wait until the end of service? Dramatic much?

Well the other day in the newspaper, I saw an obituary with someone of the same name. I wasn't sure if it was her but my memories were filled with her shouting at us, putting us down and her general unfairness. Then I turned the page.

I remembered.

Will You Remember Me? Part 2

I often wonder who will remember me. I know my parents will and I assume my siblings will. But with my constant interaction with people I wonder how many of them would say, "That girl/woman...". I remember my grandparents often. I think of school friends one or two of them haunt my mind when I think of school fights and arguments.

I used to do youth work. I wonder if the kids there will remember how they often came to my workplace and stayed there until time to go home. I wonder if they'll remember pizza Fridays. I used to work for a Pastor, I wonder if he'll remember how spent days and nights for three months clearing up his accounting.There was point where I worked at a school, it was in the cafeteria but I wonder who remembers the lady that they had to pay, the one they said always made them smile.

As a singer who will say a song I sang touched them, made them think, gave them goosebumps. I was at a street festival a few months ago and ran into a director that I had worked with. With his eyes lit he said, "I thought about you last week. I was listening to the radio, I turned it off and thought, 'Ali Cole, that girl could sing her a__ off, I wonder where she is?' and here you are." I wonder...

Who will remember me?

Will You Remember Me?

Ever so often, something grabs my attention and forces me into a long hard think. The other day while watching Netflix I stumbled across a documentary and it has since left me a little unnerved. The documentary was about a woman named Joyce Vincent and according to what I read she had been found in her apartment dead after three years. 

As I watched this unfortunate occurrence, it saddened and angered me. But most of all it made me reflective. Has my life made enough of an impact on the universe that people would be concerned enough to look for me if I simply didn't show up one day? 

The interesting thing is that this woman knew people, people knew her. They described her as bubbly and charismatic. I'm bubbly and charismatic. They spoke of how she connected with so many people. Mentioned that people found her affectionate and a joy to be around. I thought about it.... Joyce could be anyone. Joyce could be ME!

I've been thinking about this for a few days now, and I hope that I'm not so easily forgotten.

Just think about it.

Mothers and Sons

When I think about it....

I don't think I'll ever get the mother/son dynamic. I was talking to a son the other day and his frustration, though suppressed, was evident.

He was recently married. I don't think his mother understood that. She referred to his wife as "that girl". And talked about him giving all of his money to "that girl". He worked in a field that was dependent on tips and gratuities and his mother assumed that with his meager earnings he should support both her and his wife. I couldn't understand the unreasonable nature of this woman. His love for his mother was overwhelming.

She seemed greedy to me. As I thought about it I realized that the story wasn't new. Time after time, mothers expect their sons to be provider and protector, and somehow they forget that those sons may (and should) become that for someone else. And that it's okay to let go.

I think that's the biggest problem.
Letting go.

Maybe he needs to let go.
Maybe it's time for him to tell his mom that he's grown and has taken on a life of his own and with all his love and with all his appreciation for life and love from her. He has to let go of the apron strings. He has to let go of the umbilical cord.

With all the love he has in his heart for her. He has to let go.

Guard your heart - (Part 2)

I listened to a woman the other day as she talked about her husband. She spoke of how much she loved him, what a wonderful courtship they had. But she sounded tired. She said she couldn't remember one time that he had made a complement. Everything he said was critical. She said he had even used the term "embarrassed" a couple occasions.

I listened carefully and quite honestly I wanted to ask her if he was always that way. I'm pretty sure he was but her love blinded her to it. Now, the lifted veil showed to much of an ugly truth that was frustrating her.

Funny thing is I remembered being in her situation. I'm sure the person thought they were doing good in their criticisms. I even remember once being told that, people will talk about you. But guess what, "I don't hear them, I hear you! And everything you say is wrong." Truthfully it put me in a dark place, and when I finally broke free, they found a way to critique my freedom.

But here's the thing, I couldn't go back. I had to build a wall. And I made a vow, you get past the wall I'll give you my attention. I had to be careful of who I allowed to "get to me". That included family and friends, I had to tune out every voice. I had to learn that I was wonderfully made. I had to realize that my success was not determined by anyone or anything outside of what I KNEW was in me.

There's nothing worse than letting people control your life.

I learned to take control, as hard as it was. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength a person has to build a wall around their heart. Especially when they've been defeated and don't know how to carry on. I learned how to, I'm sure you can too.

I've learned to guard my heart. My life depends on it. My happiness depends on it. I've learned to guard it against disappointment, but most of all guard it against bitterness. Because that's what happens when you don't protect yourself. So today guard your heart.

Live Life

How do you make things happen in life? Are you a planner? Or do you feel that life has a way of taking care of itself? I tend to feel like I do a little bit of both. I learned a long time ago that plans can be interrupted and just going with the flow can be confusing. So I choose to combine a little of both. 

I make plans but if things don't turn out the way I planned, I don't get bent out of shape about it. I figure out how to make it work in my favor. I now realize that life has a mind and plan of her own. 

Life, she isn't always fair but she does have her way about her. She's adventurous, she's mysterious and she's going to get you there one way or another. Today's lesson: Make sure you enjoy the ride. ;)

Life Happens

No matter what we do, life goes on. We can't control it from continuing. From birth to twilight there are so many beginnings and endings, dreams and ambitions and somewhere in the midst of that, life happens.  I think that if we were to add up the many adjustments that life has imposed on us, it would be a surprise.

I'm sure that we've all had plans and for some of us, we didn't expect to be where we are. I know there are days when I sit at my desk and wonder where the time went. Sometimes I wonder what happened to all the plans I had for my life. Even though I'm in a good place, it's amazing the lofty aspirations that have been sidelined.

We need to take advantage of every moment and even when life happens, make the best of it. My advice is today that there are some things that you can't help, so you have to keep moving. Even in the midst of your chasing your dreams don't get discouraged when life happens.

 

Never Give Up On Your Dreams!! Let Them Live!

Guard Your Heart (Part 1)

Yesterday, I posted the following on a social network.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
I'm already cautious, so be warned. Your heart is life. If that stops, they pronounce you dead. And if you let the wrong person too close they could kill you!! THAT INCLUDES FRIENDS and FAMILY!"

Someone asked me to explain. The only thing I could come up with to fully illustrate it was this:-

Have you ever had a dream that was bigger than you? You knew that you were destined to be more than your current circumstances. Have you ever made the mistake to share that with someone close to you that shot it down? And because of your trust in that person, it changed your entire outlook on life?

I was talking to a friend recently who was giving me a synopsis of their life. As I listened, I was told of hopes and dreams and possibilities. I wondered why, what seem to be practical plans. were not followed through. The more I listened, the clearer it became. The individual trusted the wrong person(s) with heart matters and as a result they had lost hope and was currently in an emotional limbo.

We know our heart is where we hold our deepest secrets, where we hold what's most important to us, and physically it's the muscle that keeps everything moving. You can be brain dead and still technically alive but once that heart stops, it's over.

I don't know too many people that entrust their secrets to people they don't have a pre-existing relationship with, so here's where it gets tricky. People can only hurt you if they're close to you. If you let them close enough to hurt you, you have to be careful. So what happens when they're family? How do you guard your heart then?

Guard Your Heart

My New Year's Resolution

If always considered myself a strong person. Most people think I'm a strong person. But ever so often I fall into the trap and I find myself fighting to escape. The new year has begun and most of us, like we do every year, made self improvement promises (resolutions).  I made a single resolution. My resolution is to

BE THE BEST ME I CAN BE

What now seems like a lifetime ago this would have been the hardest of tasks for me, because in this world of superficiality and physicality I've like many given into fad diets, passing fashions and decisions based on making people happy with the me they wanted me to be. I've lived my life based on what was the status quo.  I've been a phenomenal daughter, friend, sister, confidant, employee, singer, student and the list could go on. I don't have a problem being good. It's good to be good. The problem was that I was afraid that the person I saw in the mirror every day wasn't me. I was all those things and in the midst of it all lost sight of who I was and wanted to be. 

So, I started on a journey to me and my journey wasn't well received. Of course it wasn't, because on my journey to find me I couldn't take very many people with me. It was my journey and not very many people could take the roads that I dared to travel. I had to take Speak Up Avenue and stop cowering when I was berated, which was hard when most days the worst of it came from those that I trusted and loved.

I've never felt pretty enough, or good enough, or skinny enough, or demure enough, or Christian enough, or rich enough, or smart enough, and I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

More than half of my life I've been doing what other people want me to do. Too many expectations and not enough motivation. So, I am now, in 2013, resolute in being...

ALI

Who Wants To Join Me?