Friendship

I saw this somewhere and it said, author unknown. I wish I could tell that person thank you. You made me a better friend and helped me to understand that to some people I was just an acquaintance. 

There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around.

It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about them.

On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless. 

Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen. 

Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.

Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.

Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.

They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.

They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them.

Author Unknown 

Lesson Learned

Pearls Before Swine

Its an interesting and possibly offensive idiom, but I remember my elders saying, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." The funny thing about most passed down sayings is that very rarely are they explained unless you asked, so for a long time I was left to ponder exactly what that meant.

I didn't own any pigs or pearls so the obvious definitely out of the question. There had to be some deeper meaning to all of that. Then a few years ago, as if divine intervention, I had a moment of clarity. You know when the voices in your head and heart speak as one, it's time to listen, because often heart and head war with each other. That's what happened.One day, I heard very clearly and LOUDLY, 'Stop giving the best of you, to people that don't value you.'

Then it all made sense. That saying although it speaks volumes on its own, is incomplete. The rest of it says,

"...lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

Well isn't that something!

So many times we give people our best and they turn around and tear us to pieces, simply because they never valued us to begin with. We were just someone they could feed off of. I was told last week, 'I told you before don't let them take you lightly. Because you don't have the name or the influence that they want to be attached to they won't listen to your sage advice, but remember you have great value.'

Don't be undervalued by people that don't understand you or care for you. You are valuable, and don't ever forget it.

Reciprocate

Loyalty is rare

Live Free

Tаkе a trір dоwn mеmоrу lane, gо back tо your сlаѕѕrооmѕ аnd tаkе a lооk around.

A сlаѕѕrооm іѕ one рlасе whеrе wе gеt to interact with a lоt of different реорlе on a vеrу close bаѕіѕ. We get tо rub ѕhоuldеrѕ and соrnеrѕ wіth very different people аnd wе get to know thеm on a one to оnе bаѕіѕ. Sо how many оf your classmates did you genuinely like?

I dоn’t mеаn lіkе thеm as classmates but аѕ реорlе. Was іt easy tо gеt along wіth all of thеm? Thаt is whу wе оftеn еnd uр wіth bеѕt frіеndѕ or сlіques іn сlаѕѕrооmѕ.

Wе dо not have tо lіkе еvеrуbоdу. And everybody doesn't have to like us. I learned that lesson a few years ago and I've been happier because of it. I no longer felt the pressure to measure up. Now...

Protect the Babies

I know I've been talking about my online dating experience but I had to take a break. My computer was in the shop. Today on my newly repaired PC I tackle the world one word at a time.

Something has been bothering me. Two days ago I saw on my newsfeed that a mother (an acquaintance) had posted a picture of her seven year old daughter in an opened back shirt for Valentines Day standing in the (look back at it) pose. Let me pretend innocence and say she wanted us to see the back of her baby's shirt, despite the sexual connotation of the pose itself. I try to stay out of making suggestions to parents because MANY get offended and throw the (you don't have any children so hush) card.


Fast forward to today and I see two more photos of girls under ten with these provocative poses. I don't get it. Why are we encouraging this overt sexuality in our babies? Don't the predators have enough to work with? Why serve them your child's innocence on a platter?

I get it, we live in a more open world. And don't think I'm just saying girls, because the boys are at danger too. It's just that whenever I see parents posting pictures of their kids in a provocative nature I get antsy. I wonder, "what the hell were you thinking?" 

I still believe in the future of our children. I hurt for them when I see that the adults that should be their protectors are leading them like lambs to slaughter. Even as I write this I feel the heat from the tears that are forming in my eyes. 

I just want to know, who will protect the babies.

There Was A Time

There was a time when all a woman did was attend a sock hop or cotillion and she would be swarmed by a room filled with possible suitors. At the beginning of the evening, she dressed in her most fashionable ensemble and armed with a beautiful smile and eagerness to please to parade herself before a throng of desirable young men.

Then someone told us that we were wrong for that. We were making ourselves out to be products and merchandise. The years went by and we stopped parading ourselves in that manner and men forgot how to woo. They seemed to have forgotten how to bring flowers and candy and take us to the movies. We forgot how to smile and accept being showered with attention.

We lost relationships and forgot how to relate. Somewhere along the line we fell out of love. We started
networking. A man across a crowded room is no longer a candidate for a relationship; he’s now someone to pitch our product or service to. We can’t see that in his eyes is desire and we begin to “pitch” our accomplishments, when he wanted to say, “Excuse me, miss. What’s your name? Are you free tonight?”

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Feeling Love

This is a time of love. At least for the next nine days or so. There's something about a day that focuses on couples that can make a person reflect on their solitude. So the other day I decided to fall in love. It was as hard as I thought it would be.

The first thing I fell in love with was a cup of coffee from a coffee spot that I frequent.

The barrister said, "Hey you."
Then told another customer, "She's a regular."
To which I replied, "You know I'm in love with this place."
The first sip was beautiful. Fragrant with the right amount of sweetness. I sighed at that perfect cup.

I sat at a table outside, a woman passed me walking her puppy. The dog turned around and ran to where I was sitting. I laughed as I reached down to pet him. He licked my hand. The woman ran over and said, "I'm sorry he doesn't usually do that. It's must be love at first sight".

Then a lady sat at the table next to me with her baby. Overwhelmed by her baby, baby bag and stroller, she spilled her drink. I could see the frustration on her face. I gave her some of my tissues and assisted her in the clean up. Then the baby started crying. The mother put one hand on her forehead. I sat at their table and asked, "Do you mind?"

I picked up the baby and began to talk to him and he laughed and giggled and grinned. She said, "You have a gift". I returned him to his mother and left.

I then realized that love was all around me, waiting to be embraced. And I smiled.

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Adventures In Online Dating

I found this the other day and it got me thinking. Love should be self sustaining and all encompassing. (Well it's what I was taught). But the practically states that we need more than love. After all, "Love don't pay the bills". Right?

Well, even with that thought, I (after much hesitation) joined an online dating site. Why hesitation? Have you seen the show about the people that pretend to be other people on the internet? There are some real crazies out there. I don't know what it is about the internet that brings out the nutty in people.

First of all, I had no idea that there were so many companies brokering love online. I mean legitimate sites not counting the "buy a foreign bride" ones.

Seriously, we really need to talk about that! But just not now. 

I started to look up the most popular along with the ones I had seen advertised. Especially the ones that I had seen that said FREE TRIAL. I'm not above falling in love (or like) for free. I was definitely prepared to put it on a credit card that I didn't really use often anyway. But if by the end of the 30 days it starts to look hinky, in the words of N'Sync "Bye, Bye, Bye".

Not that I'm on a time constraint, but I decided to sign up for two sites simultaneously. One site claimed that they were responsible for 120,000 marriages yearly. Considering that statistics state that 50% of marriages end in divorce, I'm not sure that they really should be using that as a selling point. Just saying.

The other site that I ventured to explore had a really cute commercial that I'd been seeing at least 3 times a day. The universe is obviously not my friend, as I saw it as being a little pushy by "arranging" to have this commercial run so many times while I try to eat my cookie dough ice cream and watch reruns of The Big Bang Theory.

I now have to set up a profile for both accounts. But that's a story for another day.

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Stand Up To Write Preview

Just giving my followers a sneak peek of my book Stand Up To Write.

Stand Up To Write is a collection of my personal thoughts coupled with quotes from some of my favorite authors. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

There is nothing to writing.
All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.
Ernest Hemingway

Every day I hit a blank page like a wall. 

Like a wall, depending on your impact, it hurts a little or it hurts a lot. I think with all creative arts (acting, music, writing, dance…) if you’re passionate about it, you leave DNA in your work. Sometimes it’s your past that you leave; sometimes it’s hurt or present anger. There are times when my un can’t be contained and it shows in the writing. 

When I think of the many pained days I've spent with my legal pads just telling the yellow sheets how I felt. Sometimes I published, sometimes I didn't  But I just let the emotions go. I found a legal pad when I was moving the other day and I could see the stains and places where the ink ran. I guess those were extra emotional days. 

No matter how it’s expressed, writing gives us the opportunity to pour out of ourselves. It gives people a chance to see what we’re made of. I don’t think I’d do it if I couldn't leave a little of myself on the page. 

So maybe today I’ll bleed a little, just a pin prick amount. But my DNA is in even that tiny drop. 

Look for Stand Up To Write on Amazon and Google Play, 11/1/2013

Will You Remember Me - Vera

My paternal grandmother was the best grandma in the world (to me). She was straight talking and plain speaking. I miss her often. Every Sunday afternoon we'd go to her house for treats and if we didn't get them, she'd get upset with my Father.

She used to make a hot lunch for my dad every Wednesday and he would go to sit with her while they caught up. One Wednesday, either my dad forgot or was late going for lunch, my grandmother walked to his store, threw the packed lunch on the table and started walking back home. My father then got in the car and tried to coax her into the vehicle so he could carry her home. Long story short, my dad ended up driving alongside until she got to her house, where she went inside, slammed the door and locked him out.

She was a small framed, short tempered woman that raised her six children on her own after her husband died while the was young (late twenties I think). A strong woman that once said, when asked if she would marry again, "No other man is going to raise E____ children". She was stubborn. She was a seamstress/shopkeeper that still got home in time to make meals for her family. Even though it wasn't much, they were fed and educated and raised.

Once my parents when to a funeral and left us at her house. She said, "When mother and father forsake you, your old grandmother will take you up". I think about that to this day. It was funny the way she said it but also the best thing anyone could say. She was saying she was there.

I smile when I think about her. And I wonder what kind of legacy I'll leave and if anyone will remember.

Will You Remember Me - How Will You Remember Me?

So the story of the woman found in her apartment three years after her death, still bothers me. I want to be remembered!

I'm a church girl. My parents are preachers, so I've been in church all my life. I had a youth leader that I will never forget. She was the worst youth leader to walk the planet probably. Yes, I'm exaggerating. But she was pretty awful. I assume she hated the position and I often wondered if she even liked young people. 

Every time she came to youth meetings it was as if someone was infringing on her time and like we should feel privileged that she graced us with her presence. She was always engaging us in debates about whether being from the inner city made us "hood kids". That wouldn't be bad if ever so often she wouldn't punctuate it by scolding the girls in the group by telling them she wouldn't be surprised if they became teen mothers. 

Now that I think about her, she was slightly psychotic. Anyone that projects those feeling and those kind of ideals on impressionable minds and people she should be molding had to have some kind of loopy tendencies. Funny thing is, we (kids) never reported her. 

She also had authority issues. She was always at odds with the church overseers. I was a kid but it was obvious that she had issues. I remember the last time I saw her at church she went into the office, tendered her resignation and promptly exited the building. All during Sunday morning service. The church office was beyond the pulpit at that time so she had to pass the entire congregation to do that. Why not wait until the end of service? Dramatic much?

Well the other day in the newspaper, I saw an obituary with someone of the same name. I wasn't sure if it was her but my memories were filled with her shouting at us, putting us down and her general unfairness. Then I turned the page.

I remembered.

Will You Remember Me?

Ever so often, something grabs my attention and forces me into a long hard think. The other day while watching Netflix I stumbled across a documentary and it has since left me a little unnerved. The documentary was about a woman named Joyce Vincent and according to what I read she had been found in her apartment dead after three years. 

As I watched this unfortunate occurrence, it saddened and angered me. But most of all it made me reflective. Has my life made enough of an impact on the universe that people would be concerned enough to look for me if I simply didn't show up one day? 

The interesting thing is that this woman knew people, people knew her. They described her as bubbly and charismatic. I'm bubbly and charismatic. They spoke of how she connected with so many people. Mentioned that people found her affectionate and a joy to be around. I thought about it.... Joyce could be anyone. Joyce could be ME!

I've been thinking about this for a few days now, and I hope that I'm not so easily forgotten.

Just think about it.

Guard your heart - (Part 2)

I listened to a woman the other day as she talked about her husband. She spoke of how much she loved him, what a wonderful courtship they had. But she sounded tired. She said she couldn't remember one time that he had made a complement. Everything he said was critical. She said he had even used the term "embarrassed" a couple occasions.

I listened carefully and quite honestly I wanted to ask her if he was always that way. I'm pretty sure he was but her love blinded her to it. Now, the lifted veil showed to much of an ugly truth that was frustrating her.

Funny thing is I remembered being in her situation. I'm sure the person thought they were doing good in their criticisms. I even remember once being told that, people will talk about you. But guess what, "I don't hear them, I hear you! And everything you say is wrong." Truthfully it put me in a dark place, and when I finally broke free, they found a way to critique my freedom.

But here's the thing, I couldn't go back. I had to build a wall. And I made a vow, you get past the wall I'll give you my attention. I had to be careful of who I allowed to "get to me". That included family and friends, I had to tune out every voice. I had to learn that I was wonderfully made. I had to realize that my success was not determined by anyone or anything outside of what I KNEW was in me.

There's nothing worse than letting people control your life.

I learned to take control, as hard as it was. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength a person has to build a wall around their heart. Especially when they've been defeated and don't know how to carry on. I learned how to, I'm sure you can too.

I've learned to guard my heart. My life depends on it. My happiness depends on it. I've learned to guard it against disappointment, but most of all guard it against bitterness. Because that's what happens when you don't protect yourself. So today guard your heart.

Guard Your Heart (Part 1)

Yesterday, I posted the following on a social network.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
I'm already cautious, so be warned. Your heart is life. If that stops, they pronounce you dead. And if you let the wrong person too close they could kill you!! THAT INCLUDES FRIENDS and FAMILY!"

Someone asked me to explain. The only thing I could come up with to fully illustrate it was this:-

Have you ever had a dream that was bigger than you? You knew that you were destined to be more than your current circumstances. Have you ever made the mistake to share that with someone close to you that shot it down? And because of your trust in that person, it changed your entire outlook on life?

I was talking to a friend recently who was giving me a synopsis of their life. As I listened, I was told of hopes and dreams and possibilities. I wondered why, what seem to be practical plans. were not followed through. The more I listened, the clearer it became. The individual trusted the wrong person(s) with heart matters and as a result they had lost hope and was currently in an emotional limbo.

We know our heart is where we hold our deepest secrets, where we hold what's most important to us, and physically it's the muscle that keeps everything moving. You can be brain dead and still technically alive but once that heart stops, it's over.

I don't know too many people that entrust their secrets to people they don't have a pre-existing relationship with, so here's where it gets tricky. People can only hurt you if they're close to you. If you let them close enough to hurt you, you have to be careful. So what happens when they're family? How do you guard your heart then?

Guard Your Heart

My New Year's Resolution

If always considered myself a strong person. Most people think I'm a strong person. But ever so often I fall into the trap and I find myself fighting to escape. The new year has begun and most of us, like we do every year, made self improvement promises (resolutions).  I made a single resolution. My resolution is to

BE THE BEST ME I CAN BE

What now seems like a lifetime ago this would have been the hardest of tasks for me, because in this world of superficiality and physicality I've like many given into fad diets, passing fashions and decisions based on making people happy with the me they wanted me to be. I've lived my life based on what was the status quo.  I've been a phenomenal daughter, friend, sister, confidant, employee, singer, student and the list could go on. I don't have a problem being good. It's good to be good. The problem was that I was afraid that the person I saw in the mirror every day wasn't me. I was all those things and in the midst of it all lost sight of who I was and wanted to be. 

So, I started on a journey to me and my journey wasn't well received. Of course it wasn't, because on my journey to find me I couldn't take very many people with me. It was my journey and not very many people could take the roads that I dared to travel. I had to take Speak Up Avenue and stop cowering when I was berated, which was hard when most days the worst of it came from those that I trusted and loved.

I've never felt pretty enough, or good enough, or skinny enough, or demure enough, or Christian enough, or rich enough, or smart enough, and I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

More than half of my life I've been doing what other people want me to do. Too many expectations and not enough motivation. So, I am now, in 2013, resolute in being...

ALI

Who Wants To Join Me?