Reciprocate

Loyalty is rare

Wake Up

Live Free

Tаkе a trір dоwn mеmоrу lane, gо back tо your сlаѕѕrооmѕ аnd tаkе a lооk around.

A сlаѕѕrооm іѕ one рlасе whеrе wе gеt to interact with a lоt of different реорlе on a vеrу close bаѕіѕ. We get tо rub ѕhоuldеrѕ and соrnеrѕ wіth very different people аnd wе get to know thеm on a one to оnе bаѕіѕ. Sо how many оf your classmates did you genuinely like?

I dоn’t mеаn lіkе thеm as classmates but аѕ реорlе. Was іt easy tо gеt along wіth all of thеm? Thаt is whу wе оftеn еnd uр wіth bеѕt frіеndѕ or сlіques іn сlаѕѕrооmѕ.

Wе dо not have tо lіkе еvеrуbоdу. And everybody doesn't have to like us. I learned that lesson a few years ago and I've been happier because of it. I no longer felt the pressure to measure up. Now...

Bills Mean...

At the end of the month there always seems to be a new bill. After I've paid utilities, insurance, grocery, credit cards other living expenses then some other miscellaneous shows up. Today at the mailbox, I threw them all up and laughed.

I could complain about them because something just hit me. Every month the bills come, and every month I pay them. But that wasn't what hit me this morning. What made me happy was that every month the bill collectors knew exactly where to find me. I know the neighbors may have thought I lost my mind, but I haven't.

As I collected the envelopes from the freshly cut grass and walked toward the door of where I live, I smiled. Bills are good, I thought. Bills are good. My grandfather told me that once but I have thought of it since he died.

I never thought of it this way before and I'm grateful for my blessings because next month when I see those bills I'll remember....

I'm not homeless.

Will You Remember Me - How Will You Remember Me?

So the story of the woman found in her apartment three years after her death, still bothers me. I want to be remembered!

I'm a church girl. My parents are preachers, so I've been in church all my life. I had a youth leader that I will never forget. She was the worst youth leader to walk the planet probably. Yes, I'm exaggerating. But she was pretty awful. I assume she hated the position and I often wondered if she even liked young people. 

Every time she came to youth meetings it was as if someone was infringing on her time and like we should feel privileged that she graced us with her presence. She was always engaging us in debates about whether being from the inner city made us "hood kids". That wouldn't be bad if ever so often she wouldn't punctuate it by scolding the girls in the group by telling them she wouldn't be surprised if they became teen mothers. 

Now that I think about her, she was slightly psychotic. Anyone that projects those feeling and those kind of ideals on impressionable minds and people she should be molding had to have some kind of loopy tendencies. Funny thing is, we (kids) never reported her. 

She also had authority issues. She was always at odds with the church overseers. I was a kid but it was obvious that she had issues. I remember the last time I saw her at church she went into the office, tendered her resignation and promptly exited the building. All during Sunday morning service. The church office was beyond the pulpit at that time so she had to pass the entire congregation to do that. Why not wait until the end of service? Dramatic much?

Well the other day in the newspaper, I saw an obituary with someone of the same name. I wasn't sure if it was her but my memories were filled with her shouting at us, putting us down and her general unfairness. Then I turned the page.

I remembered.

Will You Remember Me?

Ever so often, something grabs my attention and forces me into a long hard think. The other day while watching Netflix I stumbled across a documentary and it has since left me a little unnerved. The documentary was about a woman named Joyce Vincent and according to what I read she had been found in her apartment dead after three years. 

As I watched this unfortunate occurrence, it saddened and angered me. But most of all it made me reflective. Has my life made enough of an impact on the universe that people would be concerned enough to look for me if I simply didn't show up one day? 

The interesting thing is that this woman knew people, people knew her. They described her as bubbly and charismatic. I'm bubbly and charismatic. They spoke of how she connected with so many people. Mentioned that people found her affectionate and a joy to be around. I thought about it.... Joyce could be anyone. Joyce could be ME!

I've been thinking about this for a few days now, and I hope that I'm not so easily forgotten.

Just think about it.

My New Year's Resolution

If always considered myself a strong person. Most people think I'm a strong person. But ever so often I fall into the trap and I find myself fighting to escape. The new year has begun and most of us, like we do every year, made self improvement promises (resolutions).  I made a single resolution. My resolution is to

BE THE BEST ME I CAN BE

What now seems like a lifetime ago this would have been the hardest of tasks for me, because in this world of superficiality and physicality I've like many given into fad diets, passing fashions and decisions based on making people happy with the me they wanted me to be. I've lived my life based on what was the status quo.  I've been a phenomenal daughter, friend, sister, confidant, employee, singer, student and the list could go on. I don't have a problem being good. It's good to be good. The problem was that I was afraid that the person I saw in the mirror every day wasn't me. I was all those things and in the midst of it all lost sight of who I was and wanted to be. 

So, I started on a journey to me and my journey wasn't well received. Of course it wasn't, because on my journey to find me I couldn't take very many people with me. It was my journey and not very many people could take the roads that I dared to travel. I had to take Speak Up Avenue and stop cowering when I was berated, which was hard when most days the worst of it came from those that I trusted and loved.

I've never felt pretty enough, or good enough, or skinny enough, or demure enough, or Christian enough, or rich enough, or smart enough, and I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

More than half of my life I've been doing what other people want me to do. Too many expectations and not enough motivation. So, I am now, in 2013, resolute in being...

ALI

Who Wants To Join Me?