Saying Too Much

It's an old saying but it makes so much sense. We used to direct it to children but as I explore the internet and more specifically social media, I realize that it's a lesson for adults as well. 

How many times have you seen statuses or updates that you knew the person would regret later? I see them all the time. I see it a lot with celebrities who later claim that their accounts were somehow compromised. 

Yeah, right.

But this instant access to thoughts and quick publishing of feelings has me amused. Remember that girl that broke up with her boyfriend, calling him nasty and telling the world how he should choke in his sleep. How about the guy that talked about the amount of women he's bedded with no regard of sexual health concerns. 

So you broke up. Drown your sorrows in some ice cream like countless women have done for years. Wow, you got lucky. Celebrate in the locker room like you used to do with your friends. What's that? You hate his guts? Play bad teenage angst driven music. Don't let us all know, because next week you'll start over again about how he is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

There was a time when we had diaries and journals, now we have Facebook and Twitter.  And with all our knowledge and all our wisdom and with all of our depth of character and all our progression we haven't learned that some things are better left unsaid.

Protect the Babies

I know I've been talking about my online dating experience but I had to take a break. My computer was in the shop. Today on my newly repaired PC I tackle the world one word at a time.

Something has been bothering me. Two days ago I saw on my newsfeed that a mother (an acquaintance) had posted a picture of her seven year old daughter in an opened back shirt for Valentines Day standing in the (look back at it) pose. Let me pretend innocence and say she wanted us to see the back of her baby's shirt, despite the sexual connotation of the pose itself. I try to stay out of making suggestions to parents because MANY get offended and throw the (you don't have any children so hush) card.


Fast forward to today and I see two more photos of girls under ten with these provocative poses. I don't get it. Why are we encouraging this overt sexuality in our babies? Don't the predators have enough to work with? Why serve them your child's innocence on a platter?

I get it, we live in a more open world. And don't think I'm just saying girls, because the boys are at danger too. It's just that whenever I see parents posting pictures of their kids in a provocative nature I get antsy. I wonder, "what the hell were you thinking?" 

I still believe in the future of our children. I hurt for them when I see that the adults that should be their protectors are leading them like lambs to slaughter. Even as I write this I feel the heat from the tears that are forming in my eyes. 

I just want to know, who will protect the babies.

Will You Remember Me - Vera

My paternal grandmother was the best grandma in the world (to me). She was straight talking and plain speaking. I miss her often. Every Sunday afternoon we'd go to her house for treats and if we didn't get them, she'd get upset with my Father.

She used to make a hot lunch for my dad every Wednesday and he would go to sit with her while they caught up. One Wednesday, either my dad forgot or was late going for lunch, my grandmother walked to his store, threw the packed lunch on the table and started walking back home. My father then got in the car and tried to coax her into the vehicle so he could carry her home. Long story short, my dad ended up driving alongside until she got to her house, where she went inside, slammed the door and locked him out.

She was a small framed, short tempered woman that raised her six children on her own after her husband died while the was young (late twenties I think). A strong woman that once said, when asked if she would marry again, "No other man is going to raise E____ children". She was stubborn. She was a seamstress/shopkeeper that still got home in time to make meals for her family. Even though it wasn't much, they were fed and educated and raised.

Once my parents when to a funeral and left us at her house. She said, "When mother and father forsake you, your old grandmother will take you up". I think about that to this day. It was funny the way she said it but also the best thing anyone could say. She was saying she was there.

I smile when I think about her. And I wonder what kind of legacy I'll leave and if anyone will remember.

Will You Remember Me - How Will You Remember Me?

So the story of the woman found in her apartment three years after her death, still bothers me. I want to be remembered!

I'm a church girl. My parents are preachers, so I've been in church all my life. I had a youth leader that I will never forget. She was the worst youth leader to walk the planet probably. Yes, I'm exaggerating. But she was pretty awful. I assume she hated the position and I often wondered if she even liked young people. 

Every time she came to youth meetings it was as if someone was infringing on her time and like we should feel privileged that she graced us with her presence. She was always engaging us in debates about whether being from the inner city made us "hood kids". That wouldn't be bad if ever so often she wouldn't punctuate it by scolding the girls in the group by telling them she wouldn't be surprised if they became teen mothers. 

Now that I think about her, she was slightly psychotic. Anyone that projects those feeling and those kind of ideals on impressionable minds and people she should be molding had to have some kind of loopy tendencies. Funny thing is, we (kids) never reported her. 

She also had authority issues. She was always at odds with the church overseers. I was a kid but it was obvious that she had issues. I remember the last time I saw her at church she went into the office, tendered her resignation and promptly exited the building. All during Sunday morning service. The church office was beyond the pulpit at that time so she had to pass the entire congregation to do that. Why not wait until the end of service? Dramatic much?

Well the other day in the newspaper, I saw an obituary with someone of the same name. I wasn't sure if it was her but my memories were filled with her shouting at us, putting us down and her general unfairness. Then I turned the page.

I remembered.

Will You Remember Me?

Ever so often, something grabs my attention and forces me into a long hard think. The other day while watching Netflix I stumbled across a documentary and it has since left me a little unnerved. The documentary was about a woman named Joyce Vincent and according to what I read she had been found in her apartment dead after three years. 

As I watched this unfortunate occurrence, it saddened and angered me. But most of all it made me reflective. Has my life made enough of an impact on the universe that people would be concerned enough to look for me if I simply didn't show up one day? 

The interesting thing is that this woman knew people, people knew her. They described her as bubbly and charismatic. I'm bubbly and charismatic. They spoke of how she connected with so many people. Mentioned that people found her affectionate and a joy to be around. I thought about it.... Joyce could be anyone. Joyce could be ME!

I've been thinking about this for a few days now, and I hope that I'm not so easily forgotten.

Just think about it.

Guard your heart - (Part 2)

I listened to a woman the other day as she talked about her husband. She spoke of how much she loved him, what a wonderful courtship they had. But she sounded tired. She said she couldn't remember one time that he had made a complement. Everything he said was critical. She said he had even used the term "embarrassed" a couple occasions.

I listened carefully and quite honestly I wanted to ask her if he was always that way. I'm pretty sure he was but her love blinded her to it. Now, the lifted veil showed to much of an ugly truth that was frustrating her.

Funny thing is I remembered being in her situation. I'm sure the person thought they were doing good in their criticisms. I even remember once being told that, people will talk about you. But guess what, "I don't hear them, I hear you! And everything you say is wrong." Truthfully it put me in a dark place, and when I finally broke free, they found a way to critique my freedom.

But here's the thing, I couldn't go back. I had to build a wall. And I made a vow, you get past the wall I'll give you my attention. I had to be careful of who I allowed to "get to me". That included family and friends, I had to tune out every voice. I had to learn that I was wonderfully made. I had to realize that my success was not determined by anyone or anything outside of what I KNEW was in me.

There's nothing worse than letting people control your life.

I learned to take control, as hard as it was. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength a person has to build a wall around their heart. Especially when they've been defeated and don't know how to carry on. I learned how to, I'm sure you can too.

I've learned to guard my heart. My life depends on it. My happiness depends on it. I've learned to guard it against disappointment, but most of all guard it against bitterness. Because that's what happens when you don't protect yourself. So today guard your heart.

Guard Your Heart (Part 1)

Yesterday, I posted the following on a social network.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
I'm already cautious, so be warned. Your heart is life. If that stops, they pronounce you dead. And if you let the wrong person too close they could kill you!! THAT INCLUDES FRIENDS and FAMILY!"

Someone asked me to explain. The only thing I could come up with to fully illustrate it was this:-

Have you ever had a dream that was bigger than you? You knew that you were destined to be more than your current circumstances. Have you ever made the mistake to share that with someone close to you that shot it down? And because of your trust in that person, it changed your entire outlook on life?

I was talking to a friend recently who was giving me a synopsis of their life. As I listened, I was told of hopes and dreams and possibilities. I wondered why, what seem to be practical plans. were not followed through. The more I listened, the clearer it became. The individual trusted the wrong person(s) with heart matters and as a result they had lost hope and was currently in an emotional limbo.

We know our heart is where we hold our deepest secrets, where we hold what's most important to us, and physically it's the muscle that keeps everything moving. You can be brain dead and still technically alive but once that heart stops, it's over.

I don't know too many people that entrust their secrets to people they don't have a pre-existing relationship with, so here's where it gets tricky. People can only hurt you if they're close to you. If you let them close enough to hurt you, you have to be careful. So what happens when they're family? How do you guard your heart then?

Guard Your Heart