Guard your heart - (Part 2)

I listened to a woman the other day as she talked about her husband. She spoke of how much she loved him, what a wonderful courtship they had. But she sounded tired. She said she couldn't remember one time that he had made a complement. Everything he said was critical. She said he had even used the term "embarrassed" a couple occasions.

I listened carefully and quite honestly I wanted to ask her if he was always that way. I'm pretty sure he was but her love blinded her to it. Now, the lifted veil showed to much of an ugly truth that was frustrating her.

Funny thing is I remembered being in her situation. I'm sure the person thought they were doing good in their criticisms. I even remember once being told that, people will talk about you. But guess what, "I don't hear them, I hear you! And everything you say is wrong." Truthfully it put me in a dark place, and when I finally broke free, they found a way to critique my freedom.

But here's the thing, I couldn't go back. I had to build a wall. And I made a vow, you get past the wall I'll give you my attention. I had to be careful of who I allowed to "get to me". That included family and friends, I had to tune out every voice. I had to learn that I was wonderfully made. I had to realize that my success was not determined by anyone or anything outside of what I KNEW was in me.

There's nothing worse than letting people control your life.

I learned to take control, as hard as it was. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength a person has to build a wall around their heart. Especially when they've been defeated and don't know how to carry on. I learned how to, I'm sure you can too.

I've learned to guard my heart. My life depends on it. My happiness depends on it. I've learned to guard it against disappointment, but most of all guard it against bitterness. Because that's what happens when you don't protect yourself. So today guard your heart.

Live Life

How do you make things happen in life? Are you a planner? Or do you feel that life has a way of taking care of itself? I tend to feel like I do a little bit of both. I learned a long time ago that plans can be interrupted and just going with the flow can be confusing. So I choose to combine a little of both. 

I make plans but if things don't turn out the way I planned, I don't get bent out of shape about it. I figure out how to make it work in my favor. I now realize that life has a mind and plan of her own. 

Life, she isn't always fair but she does have her way about her. She's adventurous, she's mysterious and she's going to get you there one way or another. Today's lesson: Make sure you enjoy the ride. ;)

Life Happens

No matter what we do, life goes on. We can't control it from continuing. From birth to twilight there are so many beginnings and endings, dreams and ambitions and somewhere in the midst of that, life happens.  I think that if we were to add up the many adjustments that life has imposed on us, it would be a surprise.

I'm sure that we've all had plans and for some of us, we didn't expect to be where we are. I know there are days when I sit at my desk and wonder where the time went. Sometimes I wonder what happened to all the plans I had for my life. Even though I'm in a good place, it's amazing the lofty aspirations that have been sidelined.

We need to take advantage of every moment and even when life happens, make the best of it. My advice is today that there are some things that you can't help, so you have to keep moving. Even in the midst of your chasing your dreams don't get discouraged when life happens.

 

Never Give Up On Your Dreams!! Let Them Live!

Guard Your Heart (Part 1)

Yesterday, I posted the following on a social network.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
I'm already cautious, so be warned. Your heart is life. If that stops, they pronounce you dead. And if you let the wrong person too close they could kill you!! THAT INCLUDES FRIENDS and FAMILY!"

Someone asked me to explain. The only thing I could come up with to fully illustrate it was this:-

Have you ever had a dream that was bigger than you? You knew that you were destined to be more than your current circumstances. Have you ever made the mistake to share that with someone close to you that shot it down? And because of your trust in that person, it changed your entire outlook on life?

I was talking to a friend recently who was giving me a synopsis of their life. As I listened, I was told of hopes and dreams and possibilities. I wondered why, what seem to be practical plans. were not followed through. The more I listened, the clearer it became. The individual trusted the wrong person(s) with heart matters and as a result they had lost hope and was currently in an emotional limbo.

We know our heart is where we hold our deepest secrets, where we hold what's most important to us, and physically it's the muscle that keeps everything moving. You can be brain dead and still technically alive but once that heart stops, it's over.

I don't know too many people that entrust their secrets to people they don't have a pre-existing relationship with, so here's where it gets tricky. People can only hurt you if they're close to you. If you let them close enough to hurt you, you have to be careful. So what happens when they're family? How do you guard your heart then?

Guard Your Heart

My New Year's Resolution

If always considered myself a strong person. Most people think I'm a strong person. But ever so often I fall into the trap and I find myself fighting to escape. The new year has begun and most of us, like we do every year, made self improvement promises (resolutions).  I made a single resolution. My resolution is to

BE THE BEST ME I CAN BE

What now seems like a lifetime ago this would have been the hardest of tasks for me, because in this world of superficiality and physicality I've like many given into fad diets, passing fashions and decisions based on making people happy with the me they wanted me to be. I've lived my life based on what was the status quo.  I've been a phenomenal daughter, friend, sister, confidant, employee, singer, student and the list could go on. I don't have a problem being good. It's good to be good. The problem was that I was afraid that the person I saw in the mirror every day wasn't me. I was all those things and in the midst of it all lost sight of who I was and wanted to be. 

So, I started on a journey to me and my journey wasn't well received. Of course it wasn't, because on my journey to find me I couldn't take very many people with me. It was my journey and not very many people could take the roads that I dared to travel. I had to take Speak Up Avenue and stop cowering when I was berated, which was hard when most days the worst of it came from those that I trusted and loved.

I've never felt pretty enough, or good enough, or skinny enough, or demure enough, or Christian enough, or rich enough, or smart enough, and I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

More than half of my life I've been doing what other people want me to do. Too many expectations and not enough motivation. So, I am now, in 2013, resolute in being...

ALI

Who Wants To Join Me?

Single Feels Good

As I lie awake a few nights ago, I laughed as I recounted what was said to me earlier by someone who I could only guess has aspirations of being one of my suitors.

"Why are you still single?" He asked.

I smiled because I never quite thought of it. But somehow I was able to answer him with fluidity. I said,

I didn't expect to be single this long in my life, but I value peace of mind above all things. I am from a generation of women that believes in supporting her man. Yes, the song "Stand By Your Man" has meaning to me. Unfortunately, a man worth standing by is quite a commodity in this modern world. Maybe I'm just a victim of the generational gap, despite the fact that we're of the same generation.   

I can't string people along with ulterior intents. I've come to realize that 'Hurt people; hurt people' and sometimes they do it unintentionally. Sometimes they're so hurt that they can't see that their duplicity is very visible. I value honesty. I believe

• If you're not interested, say so. 
• If you find faithfulness a problem, say so.
• If you need to figure yourself out, say so  
• If you have issues with me, say so.

Just say so. 

I tend to give people an easy out for a while. Because unlike most women, I do pay attention to the signs. Long periods of unavailability, inconsistency, disinterest, uncovered untruths are flags that when waved, I take note.  

I'm single (right now) because he isn't available.Whether it's emotionally or physically, he just isn't! 

So, I don't waste time. 

But I'm also single because I believe in fairy tales. I believe that it is possible to find a soul mate. I believe in love at first sight or sometimes second or third. I believe in Prince Charming and I know he's out there looking for his one and only glass slipper wearing, his locked in a tower, or his slumbering princess. Because at one time I was one of those. Now I'm just a princess.

Yes, there are those nights when single is the last thing I want, but it's not a permanent position so I'm going to make the best of it. I'll recount my many travels with a coy smile. I'll remember that there was a time when I rocked and not in a chair. I'll think about how I danced in the rain and about how I swam in the ocean at midnight. 

And in my recollection I'll smile.

I looked at him and finally he said,

I think I love you 

And I laughed out loud.

I Have Waited

Yes I've waited 

For a man whose shoulders are strong enough to carry my dreams when my hopes fall silent

For someone who can carry the weight of my laugh, my smile, my pains and tears

Yes I've waited 

For a King, a Chief, a Commander, a Boss, a General, a Champion 

Yes I've waited 

For a sweep me off my feet, protector of my heart, one of a kind amidst the carbon copies

For someone who listens like my story is the only one that matters

Yes I've waited

For a Supporter, a Partner, a Confidant, a Companion, a Sidekick, a Friend

Yes I've waited

For the one who makes me feel the strength of his touch while enveloped in his softness

For someone that knows to hold me till after the storm, knowing when I cry, it rains

Yes I've waited 

For a Lover, an Equal, a Healer, a Soul Mate, a Comfort, a Match

Yes, I've waited

And those that think I've waited too long do understand to where he comes

To me, who has waited

Who aims to please, to cater, to attend to his every need

To see to a desire, a want, a wish.

To help fulfill his dream and complete his puzzle

To be his treasure, his first thought and his last kiss

In the end to find that he too has waited for me the same

I have waited......................