I'm A Princess

I remember as a kid reading the story of the princess and the pea. As the story goes a girl's true regal nature was determined when after spending a night on 100 mattresses, she was unable to sleep due to some discomfort. The reading audience knew that a pea had been placed under the bottom mattress. As absurd as it sounds it made me think, that's it, I'M A PRINCESS!

I've been a creator all my life. Whether it's been song, prose or story, I live to make my words come alive to people. And as comfortable as other people would be in my exact situation, I'm uncomfortable. There are nights when I fall asleep at 3 a.m. because I have to get it on paper. Or I'll wake up and have to start writing. Writing is my pea. Unless I get it out from under me, I can't sleep.

Everyone's pea isn't the same. But I think everyone has one. It tells you who you are and who you're meant to be. So I'm a writing princess.

Now tell me what's your pea?

Regrets: I've had a few

Today I asked a question.

Have you ever regretted something you DID NOT say or do?

Truth is we probably all have. I've always been an entertainer. It's who I am. Some may say I like being the center of attention. Which could be true, I honestly don't, I'm too much of a homebody for that. But what I can say is that I love the feeling of creation and that's why I've always loved entertainment. Entertainers get to create a song, a movement, a character, a moment. I want to do that.

I think it's easy to dwell in the negativity of your regrets, but so much more fulfilling to take those regrets and make them motivation. Sometimes as I reflect I think about what I should have done, how I listened to people that couldn't see past their own situations. How my life may have been better if I had done it my way.

I spoke with someone this weekend that expressed how tired they were. She was telling me that she needed a break, a change. As I listened I reflected on when I used to feel that way and I understood more than she'll ever know. So I allowed her to talk and then I said, "My only suggestion is that you don't let those past experiences prohibit your future possibilities."

Don't allow regret to hold on too tight. Today look back one last time and say, "I'm moving on."

Will You Remember Me? Thanks For The Memories,

As I read social media posts and interact with people on a daily basis. I think about how to be remembered. I've had people that follow me on social media outlets because they say, anything is likely to pop up. They claim that I have an interesting outlook on life. That maybe true. I tell people that one thing they have to remember about me is that I'm honest. Say what you will, I'm going to express it how I see it.

This week has been about memories... To everyone that wrote and told me how this week helped you, it helped me too.

Thank you! I will remember.

Will You Remember Me - Vera

My paternal grandmother was the best grandma in the world (to me). She was straight talking and plain speaking. I miss her often. Every Sunday afternoon we'd go to her house for treats and if we didn't get them, she'd get upset with my Father.

She used to make a hot lunch for my dad every Wednesday and he would go to sit with her while they caught up. One Wednesday, either my dad forgot or was late going for lunch, my grandmother walked to his store, threw the packed lunch on the table and started walking back home. My father then got in the car and tried to coax her into the vehicle so he could carry her home. Long story short, my dad ended up driving alongside until she got to her house, where she went inside, slammed the door and locked him out.

She was a small framed, short tempered woman that raised her six children on her own after her husband died while the was young (late twenties I think). A strong woman that once said, when asked if she would marry again, "No other man is going to raise E____ children". She was stubborn. She was a seamstress/shopkeeper that still got home in time to make meals for her family. Even though it wasn't much, they were fed and educated and raised.

Once my parents when to a funeral and left us at her house. She said, "When mother and father forsake you, your old grandmother will take you up". I think about that to this day. It was funny the way she said it but also the best thing anyone could say. She was saying she was there.

I smile when I think about her. And I wonder what kind of legacy I'll leave and if anyone will remember.

Will You Remember Me - How Will You Remember Me?

So the story of the woman found in her apartment three years after her death, still bothers me. I want to be remembered!

I'm a church girl. My parents are preachers, so I've been in church all my life. I had a youth leader that I will never forget. She was the worst youth leader to walk the planet probably. Yes, I'm exaggerating. But she was pretty awful. I assume she hated the position and I often wondered if she even liked young people. 

Every time she came to youth meetings it was as if someone was infringing on her time and like we should feel privileged that she graced us with her presence. She was always engaging us in debates about whether being from the inner city made us "hood kids". That wouldn't be bad if ever so often she wouldn't punctuate it by scolding the girls in the group by telling them she wouldn't be surprised if they became teen mothers. 

Now that I think about her, she was slightly psychotic. Anyone that projects those feeling and those kind of ideals on impressionable minds and people she should be molding had to have some kind of loopy tendencies. Funny thing is, we (kids) never reported her. 

She also had authority issues. She was always at odds with the church overseers. I was a kid but it was obvious that she had issues. I remember the last time I saw her at church she went into the office, tendered her resignation and promptly exited the building. All during Sunday morning service. The church office was beyond the pulpit at that time so she had to pass the entire congregation to do that. Why not wait until the end of service? Dramatic much?

Well the other day in the newspaper, I saw an obituary with someone of the same name. I wasn't sure if it was her but my memories were filled with her shouting at us, putting us down and her general unfairness. Then I turned the page.

I remembered.

Will You Remember Me? Part 2

I often wonder who will remember me. I know my parents will and I assume my siblings will. But with my constant interaction with people I wonder how many of them would say, "That girl/woman...". I remember my grandparents often. I think of school friends one or two of them haunt my mind when I think of school fights and arguments.

I used to do youth work. I wonder if the kids there will remember how they often came to my workplace and stayed there until time to go home. I wonder if they'll remember pizza Fridays. I used to work for a Pastor, I wonder if he'll remember how spent days and nights for three months clearing up his accounting.There was point where I worked at a school, it was in the cafeteria but I wonder who remembers the lady that they had to pay, the one they said always made them smile.

As a singer who will say a song I sang touched them, made them think, gave them goosebumps. I was at a street festival a few months ago and ran into a director that I had worked with. With his eyes lit he said, "I thought about you last week. I was listening to the radio, I turned it off and thought, 'Ali Cole, that girl could sing her a__ off, I wonder where she is?' and here you are." I wonder...

Who will remember me?

Will You Remember Me?

Ever so often, something grabs my attention and forces me into a long hard think. The other day while watching Netflix I stumbled across a documentary and it has since left me a little unnerved. The documentary was about a woman named Joyce Vincent and according to what I read she had been found in her apartment dead after three years. 

As I watched this unfortunate occurrence, it saddened and angered me. But most of all it made me reflective. Has my life made enough of an impact on the universe that people would be concerned enough to look for me if I simply didn't show up one day? 

The interesting thing is that this woman knew people, people knew her. They described her as bubbly and charismatic. I'm bubbly and charismatic. They spoke of how she connected with so many people. Mentioned that people found her affectionate and a joy to be around. I thought about it.... Joyce could be anyone. Joyce could be ME!

I've been thinking about this for a few days now, and I hope that I'm not so easily forgotten.

Just think about it.