Sorry, Is Just A Five Letter Word

 

How many times have you heard the words, "I'm sorry" or some other apology and even though your heart and mind told you they meant nothing, you allowed yourself that moment of "Next time it'll be different"?

This is a short encouragement and slight scolding.

Apologies are just words. Things won't be better until you get better. Not until you change direction, Not until you change your perspective. Not until you change partners.

Stop saying sorry, when you're not.

Reclaiming My Time

I just realized how much of a doormat I am. I don't know how it took me so long to figure it out BUT I do know why.  

There is a generation of women that were raised a little Donna Reed or let me bring it a little twenty-first century. Do you remember Bree Van De Kamp from Desperate Housewives? As repressed as I now see her, I loved her character. Yes, of course, she had that slight Stepford quality but there was nothing that Bree wouldn't do for those that she loved. 

Self-sacrificing, not a hair out of place, stand by your man Bree. 

But during the course of that show, something in Bree snapped. She began to realize that making everyone happy was driving her completely insane. She was slowly losing herself to the desires of other people. Bree was a doormat. 

Enter Ali

I spent a lot of time making sure I was perfect for a whole lot of people. I saw to their needs, desires, wishes. I sacrificed my energies to see them through, to help them overcome. I've been the encourager, the enabler, the wifey, the friend and put more in than I was getting.

Then I realized that people are selfish and no matter how good you are to them, their selfishness is what controls them. How did I realize that in my life?

Between April and May, I lost three important people in my life and the one person that I depended on to be my sunshine in my cloudy moment was too emotionally distant to care. It was at that rainbow moment that I realized that I was giving too much and needed to start...

Friendship

I saw this somewhere and it said, author unknown. I wish I could tell that person thank you. You made me a better friend and helped me to understand that to some people I was just an acquaintance. 

There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around.

It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about them.

On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless. 

Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen. 

Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.

Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.

Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.

They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.

They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them.

Author Unknown 

Lesson Learned

Don't Make My Mistakes

I used to be a 'super supporter' until I realized that it cost me too much. Because I was the listener and when it was my turn to be listened to, there was always something else on the agenda. Whenever I was in trouble, my troubles were considered not as important. I was always on the hearing end of the, 'I need you to do this'.

Lately I've decided that I am also important, my needs matter, and I am not putting everyone before me, only to be stuck without.

I couldn't have been more that 17 when my dad said, "No one is going to be there when you need them the way you always are." At the time I thought it was a selfish thought but as I grew I realized he's right.

At the end of the day people are selfish and they only care about what they need. There have been times in my life where I've been at my lowest and found myself alone. How is that when I've been there for everyone, there are times when I feel completely alone?  I recall being a shoulder, a sounding board, a financier, a secret keeper and in my time of need I've been informed that my tears are inconvenient.

So don't make my mistakes. Choose your friends wisely.

Lyfe Jennings - Let's Stay Together

Pearls Before Swine

Its an interesting and possibly offensive idiom, but I remember my elders saying, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." The funny thing about most passed down sayings is that very rarely are they explained unless you asked, so for a long time I was left to ponder exactly what that meant.

I didn't own any pigs or pearls so the obvious definitely out of the question. There had to be some deeper meaning to all of that. Then a few years ago, as if divine intervention, I had a moment of clarity. You know when the voices in your head and heart speak as one, it's time to listen, because often heart and head war with each other. That's what happened.One day, I heard very clearly and LOUDLY, 'Stop giving the best of you, to people that don't value you.'

Then it all made sense. That saying although it speaks volumes on its own, is incomplete. The rest of it says,

"...lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

Well isn't that something!

So many times we give people our best and they turn around and tear us to pieces, simply because they never valued us to begin with. We were just someone they could feed off of. I was told last week, 'I told you before don't let them take you lightly. Because you don't have the name or the influence that they want to be attached to they won't listen to your sage advice, but remember you have great value.'

Don't be undervalued by people that don't understand you or care for you. You are valuable, and don't ever forget it.

No More Commas

I've known a secret for almost two years now. I stumbled upon it sometime in 2012. It involved plane tickets, pictures and a trip that I was vaguely told about two months later. The person doesn't know that I know, but I know. The longer I keep this hidden, the angrier I get.

I'm guarded. VERY guarded. Over the years, I've been given more than enough reason to be. I don't like confrontation so often I walk away. That's probably not the best solution and I promise you it's not the easiest, but with my David Banner type personality most times I think it's best. 

My brother said something the other day that resonates in my mind. He said,

 "Don't put a comma in your life, where there's supposed to be a period."

That guy may be on to something. I've been holding back and sometimes

walking away from things saying that I'm cool with it, while it's still festering in the back of my mind. I need to bring closure and start fresh. The comma says "wait, there's more." The period says, "I'm done with this, right here."

TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT:
Find where you've been putting the commas in your life and say, 

I'm done with this. Full Stop.

It's time to do that and move on.

Now about that secret I've been keeping...